I tense at his demanding tone. He’s never spoken to me this way and it pisses me off.
“Because he doesn’t want us to be friends anymore,” I toss out carelessly.
And the second I say the words, I immediately want to take them back.
I hate that I’m hurting him but I need to start being honest with myself, even if that means upsetting him. The dynamics of our relationship has changed and we must start accepting that.
“You were mine first, damn it!” I hear a loud crack in the background, and I squeeze my eyes shut against it, trying not to think about what he just hit.
Might as well have been my heart though, because Lord knows it’s in a million pieces right now.
“He’s my husband. I chose this, Linc.”
“No, you didn’t choose anything. Youacceptedit. There’s a big fuckin’ difference. I gave you an out. You wouldn’t take it.”
“Oh right, so you can pursue your career with a girl you kissed once and another man’s baby in tow. Give me a break, Linc. That’s not how you saw your life playing out.”
“No, it’s not. But I would have happily taken it. If it meant havin’ you here with me.”
“Why do you say these things to me?”
“Because I don’t want you to ever forget how I feel about you. You’re not supposed to be with him. You’re supposed to be with me.”
My heart aches so much, knowing how much I’m hurting him. He doesn’t deserve this. He deserves so much more. Just because I’m miserable doesn’t mean he should be, too.
“Don’t you get it? I can’t be with you!” Digging deep for courage, I say the words I hope will push him away for good. “You need to move on, Linc.”
“Move on from what? The only girl I’ve ever loved. Impossible. You need to grow a backbone and tell yourhusbandyou’re in love with me.”
I gasp, his words inflating my heart but draining my soul. “Stop saying shit like that to me.”
“Why? Because it’s the truth?” he grits. “You know what, just forget it. I don’t want you here anyway.”
“Fuck you, Linc,” I scream, my voice raw with pent-up emotion.
“Fuck you!”
Past
If I thought, for one second, that not having Linc in my life would be any easier, I was seriously fooling myself.
Because this hurts far worse.
Not being able to talk to him is pure agony. But I only have myself to blame. I’m the one who pushed him away. And while deep down I know it’s for the best, it does nothing to help with the pain.
After dropping Caroline off to spend the day with my mother, I head to the Blue and White to meet Rachel for lunch. She and Will arrived back from Nashville late last night and I’ve been dying to know how the show went, how Linc is doing, and if he asked about me at all.
It has been two weeks since that phone call but the hateful words spoken are still raw and fresh in my mind.
We are halfway through lunch before I even have the nerve to broach the subject. But nothing could have prepared me for the words that come next.
“He’s seeing someone,” Rachel says, and the words prick at my heart.
“What?”
Rachel bows her head, shoveling the remains of her chicken salad around her plate. “Her name is Charlotte. She’s really nice. Very pretty. Disgustingly polite. They’ve only been talking for a few weeks. Linc says it’s nothing serious, but you can tell they are comfortable around each other.”
God, I’m so glad I didn’t go. Because if seeing him with someone else was half as bad as hearing about it, I would have broken down on the spot.
