I’ve never seen a man naked before and the sight of Dean looking down at me right now is intimidating. His eyes are dark pools with glimpses of moonlight reflecting in their depths. I want to bathe in its pale light. But I also want to dance on the other side, where no one else has been.
And I want to go there with him.
“You okay?” he asks.
I nod, squirming beneath his intense gaze. Sitting back on his haunches, he pulls me with him then snakes his hands behind my back to unclasp my bra, releasing it in a quiet snip but the significance is deafening as the fabric whispers down my arms.
I cross my arms over my chest as I lie back down. Dean pulls them away. “Don’t hide from me. I want to see all of you.” Snip
Holding my eyes, he takes off my panties, dragging them down my legs slowly before unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his jeans, situating his body over mine.
A shiver races through me, realization of what is about to happen penetrating every nerve. He nudges my opening.
I tense. “Wait…shouldn’t we use a condom?”
His mouth touches mine. “I’ll pull out. I need to feel all of you, Sylvie.”
I can feel him pressing against me, my heart pounding like a loud drum in my ears. I find it impossible to swallow and even harder to speak so I nod my consent.
He begins to move, easing inside of me slowly. I cry out, the burning sensation almost too much to bear as he fills me one painful inch at a time.
Oh God, it hurts so badly.
I can’t catch my breath as I try to hold back the tears. Dean stops, stroking my hair with his hands as he lands kisses on my lips and cheeks.
“It’s okay,” he whispers.
I take in a few calming breaths, telling myself that if I can get past the worst part of it then I can enjoy the good parts.
“Ready?” he asks.
I nod again, words impossible right now.
He drops his forehead to mine and pushes all the way inside of me in one hard thrust. Burning pain like I’ve never known invades my body. Tears leak from the corners of my eyes as I attempt to breathe through it.
This is awful and nothing like I expected it to be.
“Dean, it hurts,” I grit.
“I know, baby, I’m sorry. It won’t hurt next time, I promise.” I want to believe him but I’m not so sure. I’m not sure I ever want to do this again. Dean rocks back and forth, going deeper with every thrust. I almost tell him to stop, but the more he moves the less pain I feel. My fingers dig into his back as I pray for it to end but eventually, the pain ebbs into a dull ache.
Then Dean tenses, a look of pleasure smothering his face as he quickly pulls out of me. A sense of loss washes over me, my innocence abandoned here on a dead-end road in the middle of the night. I feel like a different person, yet still the same. Either way, I know my life has changed forever.
Though, I have no idea just how much truth those words would carry.
Past
My mother’s eyes are filled with unshed tears as she adjusts my veil. This is my mother’s veil. I’m also wearing her wedding gown, the same one she wore the day she married my father almost twenty years ago.
Although, we had to have it taken out a little around the midsection so my tiny bump wouldn’t be quite so obvious.
I guess you can say things moved pretty fast with Dean. His need for me only intensified and I fed off of it like a starved child. We got careless, and six weeks later, I took a test that changed our lives forever.
Standing in front of the full-length mirror, I twist from side to side. It’s not too noticeable, but everyone knows, or at the very least suspects I’m pregnant. Why else would a seventeen-year-old girl get married, unless she’s absolutely crazy?
“I can’t believe my baby is getting married and having a baby.” My mother dabs the corners of her eyes with a tissue, smiling weakly back at me. She’s been crying all day. And while I couldn’t really blame her, I didn’t want to cry on my wedding day.
She wraps her arms around my waist, hugging me close as tears fill my own eyes. “You don’t have to do this. We’ll help you take care of the baby while you go to community college. You can live with us forever if you want.” I’m pretty sure those weren’t my father’s sentiments. He couldn’t even look at me without disappointment in his eyes.
