“That’s a little sexist, don’t you think?” I tease, although nothing would make me happier.
“A little.” I give him a pointed look over my shoulder and he kisses my nose. “Okay, a lot, but what can I say, this is like a dream come true for me. The woman I love, making a home for us, taking care of me and our children.” He sweeps my mouth in little kisses. “You, naked, wearing nothing but an apron and a smile.”
Laughing, I swat his arm. “I won’t be doing that while I’m pregnant, I’ll tell you that.”
“Okay, maybe not while you’re pregnant but soon, very, very soon.”
I turn to face him completely. “How is it possible to love someone as much as I love you?”
“Easy, it’s me and you.Us, baby. It doesn’t get any better than this.”
He takes my mouth in a hard kiss, conveying everything I feel.
Love.
Devotion.
The burdens of life I carry melt away when his lips are pressed against mine, when I’m wrapped in his arms. I forget about all the bad and bathe in the good.
“Mama, Mama! Come look,” Caroline squeals from above.
With his hand holding mine, he leads me up the stairs. The house has five bedrooms and three baths but the entire third floor is one large bedroom, and it’s clearly been designed for Caroline. It’s open and bright and the far wall is nothing but built-in bookcases filled with books. Tons and tons of books. In the center there’s a reading nook equipped with a big pink oval cushion and what looks like dozens of throw pillows in every shade of the rainbow. And written above it, in big scrolling letters it says…
Read to live…live to read.
This is obviously the cause of her excitement because the smile on her face is priceless and it makes me wish I hadn’t left my phone in the car so I could capture this moment forever, even though I know I’ll never forget it. “Look at all the books, Mama!” she exclaims, tugging me toward the center of the room. The walls are painted a soft yellow and the bathroom a soft pink. I twist my head to get a look at Linc and find him kneeling down on one knee. When I look back at Caroline, she smiles mischievously as if she’s in on it, too. I turn my attention back to him. His hand reaches for Caroline’s and mine.
“I want to make a promise to each of you right here, right now. No matter what happens in my life, you two will always come first. Always. You both mean the world to me and you’ve made me happier than I could have ever thought possible. I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure I do the same for you, too. I’ll tell you each and every day how much I love you. How much you mean to me, and I’ll never let you down. Never.” My eyes sting with tears as I look down at the man who undoubtedly owns my heart.
Who has always owned my heart and fought like hell to keep it. The fact that he not only promises to love and care for me but Caroline as well only cements my deep love for him. I’ve said before there’s no way I could ever love him more but like so many times before…
I am wrong.
Present
Linc left to go on tour, but it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Of course I miss him terribly. His kiss, his touch, and all the little ways he loves me each and every day, but he left me with an immense sense of security and he still finds little ways to show me how much he cares from afar.
We speak on the phone every single day, usually before his shows, because by the time they are over Caroline and I are in bed. We talk via FaceTime every other day or try to anyway. Some days are harder than others. Caroline has school and I am busy preparing a home for us.
Linc designated me the daunting task of decorating, a project I wasn’t very sure of when I first began, but once I committed myself, I gave it my all. Gwynn helps a lot, too. She is in remission now. Most of her hair has grown back and she seems to have more energy than ever before. It’s hard to keep up with her sometimes. She visits often, as do my parents and Rachel and Will. It helps having my friends and family here for support, but nothing or no one can replace what he gives me.
Nighttime is the hardest. When it’s time to climb into our empty bed alone, I try not to cry. It’s not like he’ll be gone forever but still…I want him here now. It seems like my whole life has been nothing but one sacrifice after another. But isn’t that what life is all about?
Sacrifices.
My loneliness is a small price to pay to know the man I love is coming home to me in a few short months.
The tour has been a huge success. Sold out shows all across the US. The label has been hounding him to re-sign, offering a whole lot more money and creative freedom, but he continues to refuse. He says he wants to take a break. He wants to spend time with us and focus on songwriting for a while. Part of me wonders if he’ll regret his decision not to continue on his path to stardom. He’s released two more songs off his latest album and each one has hit number one within a week. They say he’s the next legendary star with a sound that rivals any artist before him.
Linc laughs every time he hears it. He’s still so humble. And that makes me love him even more.
He has a break in the tour next week and he’s scheduled to come home for two days. Two days doesn’t seem like very long but when you haven’t seen each other in a little over two months it seems like a lifetime. He’s tried to talk me into coming to a show but I can’t bear to leave Caroline right now and with her in school it makes it difficult to travel. But to tell the truth, his timing couldn’t be more perfect. With spring break starting next week, we’ll all be able to spend time together. And I plan to make the most of it.
Once I drop Caroline off at school, I head to my doctor’s appointment. I haven’t told Linc yet but I’m having my birth control implant removed today.
I go through the motions just like every other visit. The nurse weighs me then I pee in a cup. She puts me in a room where I’m told to strip down and put on the paper gown. I think about texting Linc while I wait. Butterflies flutter in my belly at the thought but before I can the doctor comes in holding my file.
“Hello, dear. How are you today?”
