Present
The pain seems to be unbearable today, digging into the center of my chest like a serrated knife, allowing memories to fester and bleed. I barely made it through my shift, and when my boss asked me if I wanted to fill in for a waitress who called in, I quickly answered no.
I couldn’t take one more order.
I couldn’t fake one more smile.
All I want to do is crawl into bed and cry myself to sleep. But I have to pick up Caroline soon. My stomach rumbles, reminding me I haven’t eaten a thing all day, but it’s a fleeting thought as I climb the stairs to my room.
I toe off my shoes and shimmy out of my jeans, tears blurring my eyes while the knot grows thicker in my throat. Shedding the rest of my clothes, I bypass the bed, seeking refuge in the shower. Hot water rinses away the day but it does nothing to alleviate the heaviness in my chest. I sink to the floor, sobs racking my weak body.
Then, I let it all go.
I wail, allowing the pain to completely take over. Hopelessness grips my soul, dragging me back down into the dark and treacherous depths of my despair.
It’s slowly killing me inside.
A small part of me wants to be free…to find a way to forget Dean completely. Another sob racks my body. The rest of me wants to let him consume what is left.
The other night when Linc said it was time, I knew what he meant. It was time to tell him everything.
Time to let it all go. I’ve held on to it long enough, I know that, but a lot of what happened back then was my fault and accepting that has been difficult.
I barely notice when the door to the shower eases open. “Syl?” Linc breathes, deep concern etched across his face.
I don’t have the energy to stop him as he steps inside and shuts off the water. My teeth chatter, a chill settling deep into my bones.
A towel is wrapped around me, then he carries me into the bedroom. Drawers open and close while I sit shivering on the edge of the bed, my mind struggling to make sense of what is happening.
Dirty brown boots step into view, bringing an intense wave of heat. I sigh with relief, thankful for the comfort of his presence.
Once he has my T-shirt on, he grabs my hand and pulls me from the bed. My legs are wobbly and weak as he kneels down in front of me, holding out a pair of white cotton panties. I lift my foot, one at a time, without an ounce of humiliation.
If anyone has seen me at my worst, it’s Linc.
He stands; feathering his knuckles down my cheek as he stares down at me with eyes that promise everything will be okay.
God, I need that to be true.
But in order for me to ever beokay, I need something to drown this overwhelming guilt.
I should have loved him more.
I should have fought harder.
The regret is deep and troubling and all I want to do is forget.
Reaching up, I grip the back of Linc’s neck and pull him even closer to me. We land on the bed as my lips possess his in a singular quest to eliminate every emotion, every memory.
Every thought.
The taste of freedom is potent on his tongue. So is my shameless desire to claim it.
“Sylvie,” he mutters, one hand cupping my cheek.
I clutch the fabric of his shirt. “Linc, please, I need you.”
A noise rattles in his throat as I cling to him for dear life. “Let me hold you,” he whispers against my lips, bringing his hands to the sides of my face. His lips, the way they say my name, the way they kiss away the pain, I’ve finally found the relief I need.
