Present
Linc left to go on tour, but it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Of course I miss him terribly. His kiss, his touch, and all the little ways he loves me each and every day, but he left me with an immense sense of security and he still finds little ways to show me how much he cares from afar.
We speak on the phone every single day, usually before his shows, because by the time they are over Caroline and I are in bed. We talk via FaceTime every other day or try to anyway. Some days are harder than others. Caroline has school and I am busy preparing a home for us.
Linc designated me the daunting task of decorating, a project I wasn’t very sure of when I first began, but once I committed myself, I gave it my all. Gwynn helps a lot, too. She is in remission now. Most of her hair has grown back and she seems to have more energy than ever before. It’s hard to keep up with her sometimes. She visits often, as do my parents and Rachel and Will. It helps having my friends and family here for support, but nothing or no one can replace what he gives me.
Nighttime is the hardest. When it’s time to climb into our empty bed alone, I try not to cry. It’s not like he’ll be gone forever but still…I want him here now. It seems like my whole life has been nothing but one sacrifice after another. But isn’t that what life is all about?
Sacrifices.
My loneliness is a small price to pay to know the man I love is coming home to me in a few short months.
The tour has been a huge success. Sold out shows all across the US. The label has been hounding him to re-sign, offering a whole lot more money and creative freedom, but he continues to refuse. He says he wants to take a break. He wants to spend time with us and focus on songwriting for a while. Part of me wonders if he’ll regret his decision not to continue on his path to stardom. He’s released two more songs off his latest album and each one has hit number one within a week. They say he’s the next legendary star with a sound that rivals any artist before him.
Linc laughs every time he hears it. He’s still so humble. And that makes me love him even more.
He has a break in the tour next week and he’s scheduled to come home for two days. Two days doesn’t seem like very long but when you haven’t seen each other in a little over two months it seems like a lifetime. He’s tried to talk me into coming to a show but I can’t bear to leave Caroline right now and with her in school it makes it difficult to travel. But to tell the truth, his timing couldn’t be more perfect. With spring break starting next week, we’ll all be able to spend time together. And I plan to make the most of it.
Once I drop Caroline off at school, I head to my doctor’s appointment. I haven’t told Linc yet but I’m having my birth control implant removed today.
I go through the motions just like every other visit. The nurse weighs me then I pee in a cup. She puts me in a room where I’m told to strip down and put on the paper gown. I think about texting Linc while I wait. Butterflies flutter in my belly at the thought but before I can the doctor comes in holding my file.
“Hello, dear. How are you today?”
Dr. Foss has been my doctor for as long as I can remember. She delivered Caroline and has such a good bedside manner. She’s in her late forties and beautiful but she has a weird sense of humor.
“I’m good, Dr. Foss. How’ve you been?”
“Good, good. I see you’re here to have your birth control implant removed.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“You do understand that once I remove it, the possibility of getting pregnant increases by, oh say…a lot.”
I chuckle. “Yes, ma’am, I’m well aware. That’s kind of the point.”
She tosses my file on the counter and takes a seat on the short, rolling chair, clasping her hands in her lap. “Ah, I see. Well, the implant expired five months ago. So it’s a good thing you want to get pregnant because um…you are,” she says, patting me on the knee with a wide smile.
I gulp for air.
I’m pretty sure I look like a fish out of water, and right now I guess I am because that is the last thing I expected her to say. “Uh, I didn’t realize it had expired.”
I swallow against the knot in my throat, emotion building in my chest. Linc and I haven’t had sex since the morning he left to go on tour, and I haven’t had any symptoms. I can’t believe I’m pregnant.
My hand moves to my belly. “Are you sure?” I ask, not wanting to get too excited unless she’s one hundred percent positive.
“I need to do an exam and some blood work to be sure but your urine test was positive.”
Tears of joy spring to my eyes. I’m going to have a baby. Linc’s baby.
Our baby.
After Dr. Foss completes her exam and blood work, she confirms that I am approximately ten weeks. She removes the implant, writes me a prescription for prenatal vitamins, and schedules a follow-up visit for four weeks from now.
My face hurts from smiling so much, and I feel like I am walking on air. By the time I pick Caroline up from school, the news has really sunk in. I’m nervous about telling her but I don’t know why. She’s always wanted a little brother or sister. I guess I just don’t want her to feel like it will change anything between us, and I don’t want her to feel left out.
I debate whether to tell Linc over the phone or in person and decide to wait until he comes home next week. It just might kill me, but I want it to be special. I want to see his face when I tell him he’s going to be a father for the first time.
