Dropping a light kiss to the tip of her button nose, I then pressed my lips to her forehead. They rested there longer than I intended, inhaling her sweet innocence and reminding myself that she was forbidden and always would be.
But she would always be my Gidge.
A few days later, I would have no choice but to come back, and that promise I made to Cassidy would be nothing more than a puff of smoke.
Dawn was my favorite part of paddling out. When my tiny piece of earth came to life and the sun’s rays cast down on the surface of the water, reflecting the promise of another day. It filled my soul with a certain peace I couldn’t get anywhere else. Then the waves would break, offering that roar of danger I craved so much. I paddled harder, rising up to claim the building swell.
Once I dropped inside the barrel, everything disappeared around me.
No words could describe what I felt when my fingers skimmed across the crest, riding the wave to escape the chaos that lived inside my head.
Inside my heart.
Surfing hadn’t always been my passion. Bodie had tried to teach me many times before, but only after he was taken from me did I really want to learn. I taught myself how by watching all of his old videos. It was my way of being closer to him, and over time, surfing became my saving grace.
Breathing in the salty air I sighed, debating once again about scattering his ashes here. It’s what he would have wanted. To ride the waves for eternity.
But even after seven years, I still couldn’t find the strength to let him go.
Carrying my board from the water, I drove the tail into the sand and plopped down on my beach towel, reaching for my spare to dry my face. I’d been coming here for years, same time every morning. Just before sunrise. It was perfectly secluded. Not far from where our aunt lived. She used to bring us here when we’d come down to visit with our mother.
Those were some of the best times of my life.
I stayed until the sun came all the way up, bathing in the ethereal gold and orange rays as I rode wave after wave. Then I grabbed my board and headed back to the house.
Growing up, Cocoa Beach had been my second home. Jersey would always have my heart but I’d learned to love it here. The warm, salty air and water agreed with me, as did the distance between me and my past.
Living in a world without my brother and mother had been tough at first. And some days were still hard as hell, but my Aunt Liz had given me everything I needed to survive that terrible time in my life, including her love, patience, and understanding.
However, despite her best efforts, I was not the most pleasant person to be around back then. Bitterness and anger ruled my heart. And it took a long time for me to accept that my family was gone. I don’t think I’ll ever get over losing them, but it has gotten easier. Though I was convinced it would be an endless aching hole that never really went away. Surfing made the pain bearable.
More so than any other vice.
I spent a lot of time trying to numb the pain; turning to drugs seemed to be the easiest solution in the beginning. It wasn’t long before I found myself headed down the same self-destructive road Bodie did. Thankfully, I was somehow able to pull myself out before it got too out of hand. Though, there were moments when I wasn’t sure I’d make it through, the loss of my brother and mother nearly too much to bear.
Shaking off the painful memories, I left my board propped up in the sand near the back deck and made my way inside. I found my roommate, Max, at her usual post at the kitchen table, eyes intent and focused as she pounded away on her laptop, working on her latest novel.
“Hey,” I greeted, opening the fridge to grab a bottle of water.
She lifted her head with a broad smile. “Happy birthday!”
“Thanks!” I smiled. I’d almost forgotten it was today. I never really looked forward to it anymore. Not since Bodie and my mom died.
Well, there was one thing I looked forward to every year.
Max was one of the first people I met when I moved here. We’d hit it off right away in Biology class and she’s been my best friend ever since. I trusted her and adored her as if she were my sister.
Besides my aunt, she was the only family I had.
Max reached back, raising her hands above her head to stretch. Her long blonde hair was pulled back in a messy—I’m not even quite sure what you would call that updo but she was rocking it. She also had on the same clothes she was wearing yesterday, yet she still managed to look adorable. “How’s the water?”
“Wavy.” I grinned, tipping my bottle to her laptop. “How’s the writing?”
She deflated on a long exhale. “Sucky. This character is making me mental. I think I’m just gonna kill ’im and get it over with.”
Max was a successful, independent author. By looking at her, you wouldn’t think her mind would be so dirty. She looked like the girl next door with her soft features and sweet smile, but she cussed like a sailor and drank like a fish. And while her stories were compelling, thought provoking, and each one carried a soul-bearing message of love, they were also pure filth.
“As long as it has a happy ending, I don’t care who you kill.”
