Nervous.The word pierced through the haze of his desire, bringing with it a cold dose of reality.
She was inexperienced. Innocent. And he was about to take that innocence in a rush of passion driven by fear as much as love—fear of losing her, fear of being left behind, fear of all the old wounds that had never properly healed.
She deserved better than that.
His beast howled in protest as he pulled back, putting crucial inches between their bodies. “Not like this.”
CHAPTER 16
“Not like this.”
The words hung between them, sharp as broken glass. Ember felt the cold rush in where Rykan’s warmth had been, his body no longer pressing her into the furs, the sudden absence of his heat leaving her exposed and trembling.
She automatically reached for a fur, covering herself, and hated that she did it. Hated the flush of shame that crept up her neck. Hated the way her voice came out small and uncertain when she spoke.
“Did I do something wrong?”
His jaw tightened. He sat back on his heels, his chest still heaving, his eyes still burning with that golden fire that told her his beast was close to the surface. “No. You did nothing wrong.”
“Then why?—”
“Because I was about to take your innocence. I was about to claim you.” The words were rough, torn from somewhere deepinside him. “And once I did that, I would never let you go. And if you decided later that you didn’t want?—”
“You think I would change my mind.”
It wasn’t a question. She could see the truth written in every line of his body—the tension in his shoulders, the way he wouldn’t quite meet her eyes. He wasn’t protecting her from himself. He was protecting himself from her.
He thinks I’ll change my mind once I’m back in my world.
The understanding hurt more than his rejection. Did he think so little of her? Of what they had together?
“Rykan.” She reached for him, but he flinched away from her touch. “I would never?—”
“You don’t know that.” His voice was flat, empty. “You think you want this now, but you don’t know how humans treat my kind. How they would look at you, if you were mine.”
“I don’t care how they look at me.”
“You will.” He finally met her gaze, and she saw the old pain there—the wounds that Lysara had left, scars that had never properly healed. “When you’re back in your world, with your company and your responsibilities, you’ll remember what you gave up to be with me. And you’ll resent me for it. You’ll look at me the way she did, eventually. Everyone does.”
She.He didn’t say Lysara’s name, but he didn’t have to. She could feel Lysara’s ghost between them, poisoning everything.
“I’m not her,” she whispered.
“I know.” Something cracked in his expression, a flash of vulnerability quickly hidden. “And I want to trust that. But I’ve been wrong before.”
She wanted to argue. She wanted to shake him until he understood that she was different, that her feelings were real, that she would never betray him the way Lysara had. But the words died in her throat, because she recognized the truth beneath his fear.
She was going to leave. She had to leave, to face Marina and reclaim her father’s legacy. And once she was back in that world, everything would change.
What if he was right? What if this was just isolation talking, proximity and circumstance creating feelings that wouldn’t survive in the real world? What if she was asking him to risk everything—his heart, his beast, his entire sense of self—for something that might not last?
She didn’t believe that, not for a second, but she didn’t have any experience with passion, let alone love. He was the only one who had ever kissed her or seen her naked or brought her pleasure.
How do I know this is real?a small voice whispered.
The thought was like ice water, dousing the fire that had been burning in her blood. She pulled the fur tighter around herself and looked away.
“Maybe you’re right,” she said softly.
