“Nah. Your room too, man. As long as you don’t blast music or anything, I’m good.” He rolls over to face the wall.
I watch him for a minute, but his breathing is already starting to slow. So I pick up my phone again, open up the app, and go back to the holy-fucking-shit-are-you-kidding-me level hot scene I was just reading in this freaking MM hockey romance.
I mean, I was curious.
After everything Caleb said at the rink, I decided I’d check this out for myself. I’m not much of a reader, and I definitely haven’t been reading romance novels. So I guess I didn’t really know what to expect, but… holy crap, I had no idea.
First, I just sort of looked around online. There are so many of these things. And some of the covers… Let’s just say they made meextracurious.
Even though I don’t use it a lot, I do have a library card, so I dug around the digital book collection and found a few I could access that way. I flipped through the ones I checked out, just trying to figure out what they were all about. A lot of them seemed to be mainly about the sort of scenes you’d only get in a TV-MA sort of show. Which, hell-o…
But then,then,one of those scenes kind of grabbed me with the dialogue and the characters and how they were relating to each other. I started wondering about the story, so I went back to the beginning and... Well, now I’m halfway through this thing.And I mean it is hot. It isveryhot. I’m nottotallyinexperienced, but maybe I should take some notes.
But it’s not just that. I’m completely invested in these characters. Like, I don’t think I can go to sleep till I finish this, and also I might have teared up a little earlier. Before Gavin got home, thank God.
I start reading again, and right away I get pulled back into the story. God, I hope these guys end up together. They have to, right? I’m going to be so pissed if they don’t. Then I get to a scene where one of the main characters finally,finallytells the other one it’s not just physical. That he has feelings for him. That he never thought love was something he could have, but now he doesn’t care. He wants it anyway.
Shit. This is too much. I’m legit choking up.
I can totally see why Caleb reads these things.
Jesus, and now all I can think about is baby Caleb, maybe fifteen, trying to figure himself out. Maybe scared, like so many of us are when we haven’t come out. Hell, I knew since I was about five, and I knew my friends and family would be cool. Coming out was still scary. And there’s nervous, quiet Caleb, on his own in some tiny town library. And he findsthis. Or, well, something like it. It had to be a lifeline. Just knowing it exists. Just seeing other guys getting to be happy as they are. Even if they’re fictional. Even if they are, of all things, hockey players.
I laugh to myself in bed, quietly, so I don’t wake Gavin.
No wonder Caleb has a thing for hockey.
I shake my head.
Then I go back to my book.
CHAPTER 6
CALEB
I’m still cringingabout my humiliating ramble yesterday as I arrive at the rink for practice. I thought about not coming, but I mean, I was here for me. Coming here, this is my, I don’t know, pilgrimage in a way? Whatever, it means something to me. Maybe not something anyone else could ever understand.Probablynot something anyone else could understand.
But it’s mine. I’m here. Practices are open, and nobody has asked me to leave. Sure, I’ve been deliberately hiding up in the nosebleeds, so maybe they haven’t even noticed me, but still.
As I settle into my seat, the cool air of the arena wrapping around me, the steady sound of skates scraping across the ice, I feel my tension start to ease. Maybe it makes no sense, and I can’t really explain it, but it feels safe here. Familiar.
So what if Dash decides I’m a freak and doesn’t come back?
So what if showing him who I really am scares him off? Isn’t that kind of the point? I think about all those books that mean so much to me. And yeah, a definite running theme. Being able to be yourself. Being wanted and accepted for who you are.
Screw Dash.
“Hey!” I look up to see the man himself, climbing the stairs toward me with a big smile on his face, like nothing happenedyesterday at all. He settles into the seat right next to mine. His sleeve brushes my arm. “What did I miss?”
He’s here. I’m fine, I’m totally fine, I’m…
“Um. I… um. Nothing. They, uh, they’re just doing warmup laps.”
“Hmm, so no ‘chirping’ so far?” He emphasizes thechirpingand grins.
I smile despite myself. Suddenly, I’m about a million times more relaxed. “Look at you, using a hockey term. And, not exactly, but Griffhassnarled at a couple guys already. I see why West is captain instead of him. He’s got this whole grumpy/sunshine thing going except with no sunshine.”
Dash laughs, which is gratifying. I’m sure he doesn’t get the trope reference, but that’s fine, I honestly didn’t mean to make it. Not like I want to bring up romance book stuff again. We watch the ice for a minute in silence, and sure enough, Griff growls at a freshman who gets in his way.
