As the fourth and fifth graders, Blake and Isaac are assigned the big jobs. They cut cardboard into playground backdrops like slides and swings and sky. The little ones, Quinn and Etta, color flowers and hopscotch and top hats. Henry and Noah and everyone else use construction paper to make ladybug, wizard, and fairy costumes.
Summer is at the helm of the ship, and I’m assigned the crow’s nest. Obligated to look out for anyone who needs help. The irony is not lost on me that she gives me the job where I’m forced to see my least favorite word—help—through a child’s eyes. In the light I used to before I made it into something ugly.
“That’s grass,” Blake mocks.
I look over, and Quinn is coloring the bottom of the backdrop with a purple crayon.
“Are you stupid or something?” he asks, and everyone freezes. No one more than me.
Quinn shrinks in her spot as if his words stung. I know she doesn’t know what they mean—not really—but it was his tone and the stunned faces all around us that caused her to react. She knows whatever he said wasn’t nice, and she’s looking at me for help.
You got an F? Are you stupid?
My hands shake, and my vision blurs. Everyone is staring at me. Waiting for me to do something about this situation. To stand up to this kid and fight for my daughter. And I can’t look at him when all I see is Tim from the sixth grade, reducing me to my biggest weakness and flaring my deepest insecurities. I can’t look at any of them. I’m desperate to get the hell out of this building. To be anywhere buthere.
“Blake, this is a talent show to celebrate our differences. We…”
I don’t hear the rest of whatever Summer is saying to him because I’m already jogging for the exit in an all-too-familiarescape. Reinforcing a debilitating pattern of self-torture. Sucking in the outside air until my best friend, silence, once again calms me.
25
EVERETT
The parking lot is a stark contrast to the hustle that welcomed us when we got here. In the—almost—hour since we’ve been inside, every car has left but two.
I’ve never seen this place so empty, which might be why I hadn’t noticed the bright yellow block letters that paint the cement until now. The nameRogersstakes claim to the car closest to the building.
Of course he has his own parking spot.
When metal hinges grate behind me, breaking the silence, I’m met face-to-face with the owner of said vehicle.
“Nice vest,” I say first.
Brian looks down as if it hadn’t crossed his mind he still had it on. “Everyone’s trying to use up their PTO days before the end of the school year.” He feeds me his lame excuse, pulling at the lining like the lapels of a suit jacket.
“Sounds like something they have a right to do.” My response is honest. Something I could have kept to myself maybe, but he’s the one who stepped out here when I’m not in the best place for small talk.
Brian folds his arms. A sinister smile slithers across his face. “Having fun pretending?”
My amused gaze drops to his costume. “I’m not the one pretending.” Does he really think he’s fooling people with this kind crossing guard act?
He strips the vest and tosses it against the closest brick wall, proving me right. He doesn’t care about doing good around here. The whole thing is for show. He’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
“This little game of house you’re playing with Summer… it won’t last, you know.”
I’ve got two guesses where he came up with that. He read theCelebarticle or saw the three of us walking in here today and assumed. Either way, he’s the one who let her go. He has to live with his insecurities over that.
“Why, because yours didn’t?”
He rolls his shoulders back and circles me, feeding me his response like a lion stalking their prey, slow until the bite. “No… because she doesn’t want to have kids… and judging by the look on your face, you didn’t know that.”
The only stunned part of my expression is that he never realized shedoes.
He plants his feet in front of me, waiting for me to react.Good.I want to look him in the eyes when I say this. “You sure it wasn’t that she didn’t want to have kids withyou?”
He barks out a laugh. It comes off a little too strong.
“Keep telling yourself that,” he says over his shoulder.
