I wasn’t expecting her to say that. I’m at a loss for words, actually. It’s a compliment I don’t deserve right now. Maybe ever, when I consider how many times I’ve lied to my crew over the years. Let them believe they’re supporting a person who isn’t entirely truthful about who they say they are. I have two names. They only know one of them.
I sit down next to her.
“I’m not sure I’ll ever be enough.”
That’s more than I’ve admitted to anyone before. Maybe it’s the fact that I know she tried breaking into the building. I have something to hold her accountable for if she tries to share this information with anyone else. Maybe the promise of me not seeing her again after tonight makes it feel easier to let my walls down. It’s dangerous what I’m doing, choosing to open up to her, though. But it’s what she says next that leads me to believe I made the right decision.
“I willingly gave up my decision-making power to my best friend tonight, if that says anything about me. I’m not sure I’m the person to be doling out advice.”
“Why?” I ask.
With her gumption to get into a locked building, I didn’t peg her as the indecisive type.
“Because I make commitments I can’t keep. I eat leftovers after they’ve been sitting out all night on the counter. I drive my car until the red gas light comes on. I bring home stray cats from the foothills. I buy shirts with mediocre singers on them.”
I snort. She’s listing off all of these things asif they should be repulsive to me. They’re not. At least she’s honest about who she is.
“Well, I know a certain three-year-old who would be thrilled if I brought home a stray cat from the foothills.”
She smiles. Somehow this conversation took a very personal turn and for the first time, I’m not mad about it.
“I wish I could say the same.” Her smile falters, and I don’t miss it. Don’t miss the glint of gold around her ring finger either.
She’s married?
I almost kissed her.
“Are you trying to get laid?”
My attention cuts to my manager descending the nearest ramp. He’s stomping—rightfully so—and taking notes with his eyes on the woman sitting next to me. Gathering evidence in the event this is a crazed fan that needs to be turned in. It’s happened before.
“You could have at least waited until after the show! That would have been really stupendous for me rather than the landmine I’ll be facing for the foreseeable future,” Todd says.
She stumbles to her feet.
Is that what she thinks? That I was talking to her because I’m trying to sleep with her?
I stand too, turn toward her to defend myself, but she’s already backing up. Rather quickly, I might add, and I try to stop her but her spine rams into the metal poll of the streetlamp.
“Are you okay?” I ask right away this time. Not because I’m worried about some lawsuit, but because I don’t want her to think that’s what this was. I was spiraling on my way out that door tonight, and for whatever reason, she was able to bring me back down to earth. I never thanked her for that.
“Yep. All good! See?” She swings her arms wide. One slaps against the side of another parked car. She clutches her crumpled palm to her chest. “Okay. I’m gonna go now. Good night!”she squeaks, taking off in a jog this time. I watch her disappear around the side of the arena. I never even asked her name.
“What happened out there?” Todd interrupts my staring.
I know byout therehe means on the stage, but I’m still trying to figure out what happenedout here, where my world tipped on its axis.
“Rhett.”
I jerk my attention back to him. I’ve gotten so good at lying when it comes to this area of my life that I don’t even have to think about it. It slips from my lips.
“It was Eliza. That next song on the set… I wrote it about her. I thought I was ready to play it, but I wasn’t.”
It’s not a total lie, at least not the first part, and he believes it without a second thought.
“That’s understandable, man.” He steps off the ramp and closes the distance between us, placing a palm on my shoulder. “Listen, I know you’ve been through the ringer, and I’m sorry if you weren’t ready for this. We’ve already sent everyone home, okay? We’re issuing refunds. The label and the media might have a field day, but I’ll figure it out.”
“I’m sorry too,” I say. But deep down, all I feel is relieved. Maybe there’s a way of coming back from this after all.
