Caroline releases my arm as the raw moment fades, drawing her attention back to the stage where Summer adjusts a central microphone.
“She didn’t need to tell me about the journal to know what an exceptional father you are, Everett.”
For a moment I’m confused. Wondering if I should askCaroline to elaborate. Summer told me they shared a tense conversation before she left, but she didn’t say exactly what they discussed. I gather she’s referring tomyjournal. The one I’ve never been very cautious about tucking away. Summer must have seen it open on my nightstand and read it at some point. I wouldn’t be mad at her if she did. There’s nothing in there everyone doesn’t already know about me.
“I couldn’t have done the last couple of months without her,” I say, my breath catching when Summer scurries across the stage herding kids to one side of it.
“I know.”
You eitheris right on the tip of my tongue.
I shove my hands in my pockets. “The label reinstated my tour. They let me come home between legs of the tour for the talent show, but I’ll have to go back. We’re leaving tomorrow.”
Caroline nods as if she saw this coming, and dread coils in my stomach. I never wanted to take Quinn from her.
“Do you think…” Caroline clasps her hands, fiddling with her thumbs. She studies them as they circle round and round each other. “… Wade and I could come to a couple of your shows?”
Her support is all I’ve ever wanted.
“Of course. I’ll make sure the box office has two tickets on reserve under your name.”
“Thanks,” she says.
I turn toward her. “But Caroline… I could really use some support with Quinn. She won’t want to leave you. I don’t want to ask you to pick up your life and move for us, but it would be nice to have you and Wade closer.”
She finally looks at me,really looks at me, her eyes brimming with emotion I’ve only seen at a funeral. “We want to be where you both are.”
It’s exactly what I was hoping to hear.
“I know I live this unconventional lifestyle for a child,” I explain. “Especially one needing speech therapy. But I promise I’m getting Quinn the help she needs now, and as she grows, that will continue no matter where we are. I’m going to show her that accepting help is her greatest strength.”
“You already are.” She looks at Summer—admiresSummer as the fine lines around her eyes soften.
“I asked her to come with us too,” I admit. “She’s not ready yet, but I hope one day she will be.” I want Caroline to know everything. It’s important she understands, no matter how hard it might be to hear.
“Okay, everyone, the show will be starting in five minutes! Please take your seats.” Summer’s voice echoes through the surround sound.
I take a deep breath.One, two, three, four, five.
“That’s my cue,” I whisper.
Caroline snags my wrist before I can walk away. “In case I never find the right moment to ask you this… why didn’t you marry my daughter? You were engaged to her for three years. She wanted to be your wife.”
Sometimes you lose someone without a goodbye, and they leave you behind with a heap of regret. I think of all the things I wish I could have said if I had more time. Not a day passes when this isn’t at the top of that list.
“I never told El about my disability. I wanted to get there. Itriedso many times. She deserved someone who could fully open up to her, and I believe one day I would have. I know you probably feel like I moved on quickly with Summer, but I promise you I’ll never stop loving El. I miss her so much. I just?—”
“Love Summer too,” she finishes for me.
I nod.
“Eliza would likeher,” Caroline says.
It’s my turn to look away, because the tears are threatening to fall, and I need to be on the stage in a minute. I don’t need to be explaining why I’m crying to everyone else.
There’s no timeline for when you’re ready to start over after your life has fallen apart. No guidelines for when you’re prepared to share it with someone new. For me it happened swiftly, like the eye of a hurricane in a desert storm. Sweeping me away to a place more chaotic but equally vibrant than the one I left. So much of that I owe to Summer. She’s made room for El to exist in all of our lives while she filled the gaps of longing and craters of emptiness that I thought would always be a part of Quinn and me.
I squeeze Caroline’s hand. “Thanks,” I say before I head toward the stage. Ready to step into a life no longer as a solo act. I’ve got an entire village by my side now. I don’t have to do it alone anymore.
