I pitch the empty bottle in the dirt and jolt upright.
He’s back!
But the air deflates from my lungs.
Eleven days. That’s how long I’ve waited for this twitterpated feeling to be spoiled on the wrong person.
A filthy version of Dean waits in the tent opening. He edges closer with his hands in the air. “I come in peace.”
I’d ask him how it was out there, but the sooty outline of eyewear, the sunburnt skin, and the singed facial hair all answer that question for me. It’s been a couple weeks since our failed morning hike. What do I say to him?
“You’re back,” I decide on. More like deadpan, and he cringes.
How am I supposed to pretend I’m happy to see him when nothing has changed between us?
“We are,” he responds. “For R&R. Does this mean you’re talking to me again?”
I search for Backup Ben. He’s not exactly best friend material, but he’d make a good wingman if he hadn’t up and disappeared on me.
“Yeah, I guess it does,” I say. Because what else am I supposed to do when I’m trapped in such tight quarters?
Tiptoeing would be a generous way to describe the last fewsteps Dean takes in my direction. “Hayes, I’m sorry for hurting you. I hate the way things ended between us.”
I plant my hands on my hips. “You mean the day you told me on my porch steps with my father waiting in the car for you that you’d gotten your red card? That he recruited you to work for him?”
Even now I see it—the guilt on his face. Equally as vibrant is the passion I saw in his eyes the day he left. The same joy my dad always had for this job.
His ash-covered hair drops in front of his eyes, and he combs it away from his forehead.
“Yes. That’s what I’m apologizing for.”
I shake my head. “You promised me we’d always have each other. That nothing would come between our friendship.”
He takes another step closer. “You left before?—”
I hold up a hand to stop him. He’s as close as I need him to be to deliver this message. “Before what? Before you came back from your first roll? Was I supposed to wait around for you to finally explain to me why you joined Iron Summit behind my back instead of just telling me? I already did enough waiting for one person in my life. I didn’t have it in me to do it for two.Youleftme.”
He scratches his jaw, dropping another layer of ash on the back of his hand. “And you ran?”
Challenging me looks painful for him, so he must be desperate enough to even ask that question.
I fold my arms. “No. I moved to a place where I could start over. There’s a difference.”
He crams his hands in his pockets. “I didn’t know how to tell you when all you ever talked about was how much you hated this job. It became my passion, Hayes. Ilovewhat I do.”
He’s right. Once upon a time, my dad’s absence was all I could talk about. I felt it everywhere here. It’s another reasonwhy I moved away. And now… do I have any merit in staying mad at Dean when I’m working on the same crew as him, my dad,Reed? Who, for that matter, I’m not holding it against?
I purse my lips. It’s not about this job; it’s about not trusting that Dean won’t hurt me a second time. Whenever I let someone in I subject myself to that hopeless feeling. I’m choosing to do it with my dad, but I don’t need to with Dean too. Not anymore.
“I’m happy for you, truly. But it doesn’t mean we can pick back up where we left off. We don’t know each other like we used to. You were more than my friend, you were my family, and it felt like that didn’t mean as much to you as it did to me.”
Defeat transforms his features. “So, that’s it then? We just work on this crew together, and I don’t get to talk to you?”
It must show that this reality pains me too because he presses on.
“I can’t find out about your day or”—he cradles his chin and raises an eyebrow—“ask about your crush on the rookie?”
My eyes flare. “I don’t have?—”
