“I’m really tired, Red. Do you think we can talk about this tomorrow?”
“You’re leaving tomorrow,” she says.
“I meant after work.”
The loose strands of her hair wave back and forth with the shake of her head. “I overheard my dad talking to the incident commander. It’s too long of a hike now, so you guys are spiking out.”
“Oh.” My legs finally buckle when I try to sit. I grunt as my butt connects with the packed ground.
Her brow wrinkles as she kneels before me.
“You’re sore. Let me help you.” She doesn’t ask, just demands it. Wrapping her hands around my right thigh and putting pressure on the pads of her thumbs, she rubs up and down my leg in firm strokes.
I try to pry her fingers away, but she bats at my hands.
“Let me.” Her tone is softer this time, and she loosens her grip. “Better?”
I nod. The warmth of her fingertips feels like a heating pad next to my aching muscles. She starts at my knee, each stroke shifting higher until she’s rubbed circles so close to my groin I can hardly see straight.
I don’t want to ask her to stop, but this feels too intimate after what I witnessed between her and Ben. If she’s attached to anyone else, I need to make it clear that what we’re doing, no matter how casual we claim it to be, needs to stop.
“I’m not worth your time,” I say.
With all the mistakes I’ve made here so far, I hope she sees that. We don’t need to make this any harder than it has to be. She agreed to casual. But after seeing her holding Ben’s hand, even that seems like too much for me.
She pauses the motion of her palms long enough to look up at me. I try to hide it from her—the fear I felt as he touched her. Knowing the last time that happened to the girl I liked, she chose the other guy.
“I’m a grown woman, Morgan. I make my own decisions,”she argues, and continues her pursuit down to my calves. “I don’t know what you think you saw, but it wasn’t it.”
“You weren’t just holding his hand, Red. When I walked in, you were looking in his eyes like they held something to protect.”
Her hands drop from my thighs.
“Ben was confiding in me about something from his past. I was being there for him.”
I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m saying whatever this thing is between us”—I wave my hand back and forth between our chests, which are only a couple feet apart at this point—“I can’t do it.”
In a lot of ways, Hailey is nothing like Teddy. Not the same free spirit or daredevil mentality. She’s stable and sure. She feels safe. She makes every one of her decisions with the utmost thought, and she considers other people’s feelings above her own. How does she know whether or not it was like that with Ben?
But she leans closer, the space between us disappearing. There’s rapid speed to the rise and fall of her chest now, like the other day when her back pressed against that tree.
“Why not?” she asks as she wraps both hands around my thighs again. This time it’s intentional. It’s not for me, it’s for her. “Why can’t you?” she pushes.
She inches forward. So close now that I can feel her breath dancing in the air between us. And she’s achingly beautiful. My insides liquefy but I fight to keep a firm grip on reality, otherwise I’m going to do something I can’t come back from.
“Because. I’ve been the other guy before. The one who’s not good enough. I can’t do that again,” I tell her.
Her eyes fall to my mouth. Land there and never stray.
“You’re theonlyguy,” she whispers, and something inside of me snaps.
I reach for her neck, jerking her to me. She lets out a soft sigh when our lips touch. I thread my fingers into her hair, letting the silky strands hold me to her. She crawls into my lap, straddling my waist. The weight of her body against me feels like a special form of torture. Her butt sinks against my thighs, and I don’t know whether to rock her against me or hold painfully still through the ache.
It feels like she’s feeding me the very air I need to breathe. My heart bats like a pair of wings against my ribcage, thrashing around in my chest. I could stay like this forever, believing she’s mine. I want her to be mine, and the thought terrifies me.
She pulls away first, with the distant sound of laughter drawing closer. She crawls from my lap and my body protests the moment I lose her touch. It’s begging for her to stay. I know we just crossed a line we can’t come back from, and now I’m leaving tomorrow morning. Leaving her here alone for who knows how long with her coworker. The very thing that wasn’t on my side the last time I was in this situation.
My skin still feels like it’s on fire even though she’s let go of me entirely. A soft giggle escapes her lips, like she just did something far out of her comfort zone. It’s cute the way she’s looking at me, as if I know her secret.
