I stretch out my hand and watch it disappear a few feet in front of me.
“Like… night fishing?”
He laughs softly, holding out his hand to me as an invitation. “Yeah… you want to go fishing in the dark?”
I look up at him, and the light bounces off the water and hits the caramel speckles in his irises.
Do you want to hunt for tadpoles with me, Miles?flashes in my memory. I smile up at him and grip his hand as he pulls me to stand.
“Yeah, I do,” I say.
I slip inside to tuck away my sketchbook, throw on a sweatshirt, and tell my parents where I’m going while Miles gets the gear from his shed. They aren’t happy about it at first, but when I promise to wear a life jacket and not go too far from shore, they give in. Miles has a canoe filled with two fishing poles, a Styrofoam cup, and an extra life jacket by the time I return.
“How’d you know I’d ask for this?” I hold up the life jacket.
“I didn’t, but I know your parents.”
“Good thing too. It’s the only reason they agreed to let me tag along.” I laugh.
I slip my arms through the holes and snap the buckles down the front. Sliding onto the wooden bench, Miles strides a handful of steps into the water before he hops over the rear side. I grip the edges of the boat as it jostles with his weight, and he picks up the oar, rowing three long pulls that wades us out just deep enough for our hooks to drop a few feet into the water.
“It’s kind of convenient you have a father who owns a fishing shop,” I say as Miles pulls back the Styrofoam lid revealing a cup of worms.
“Yeah, it has its perks.”
He finds a thick one to string on the end of my hook. Once it’s attached, he hands me the fishing pole. I hold it over the dark black water and release the bail, watching it drop below the surface and drift out of sight. Miles does the same on the opposite side of the boat as I witness his lips tip in a frown.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask.
Man, I hope that was the right thing to say.
He stares at the water for a long time before he says, “Everyone leaves. I should know that by now. First my mom, then you, now Lexi. Everyone leaves eventually.”
I feel the sting of his words in a place in my heart I haven’t felt for so long. The place that always had me learning fromMiles…I hope I don’t lose my mom too. I hope I don’t lose Miles too.
“Miles, I wish I had never left,” I admit. A tear cascades down my cheek, hot and heavy and burning a path in its wake.
Miles looks up at me and rushes to wipe it away with the pad of his thumb. “Wait. Teddy, I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I know you didn’t have a choice. But Lexi does, and she’s choosing to break up with me because she thinks it’s easier this way. To do it now before we make even more memories our senior year and have a harder time letting go. She knows we want different things,” he says, sounding frustrated. He’s no longer denying playing a role in their goodbye.
“Whatdoyou want, Miles?”
He shakes his head. “I’m afraid of what I want.”
“You don’t have to be afraid with me,” I say.
He takes a deep breath and blinks at me. “I want for one day to feel like I’m not tethered to anything. That’s the part that scares me. All along I’ve been terrified of being left behind, when all I’ve ever wanted is to be taken along.”
“And Lexi still wants to live on her parents’ farm,” I say, like I’m putting together pieces of a puzzle.
He nods. “Is it so bad that I wanted the companionship part, but not her dream part?”
“No. No one wants to be alone. But her dream isn’t yours, and she did the right thing for herself letting you go if you couldn’t give her that. You’ll find your way. I know you will.”
He offers me a sad smile. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“Did it mean something to you?”
