I hold my breath, and he shifts again. Two fingers overlap mine now, and every nerve ending in my body sparks to life. They graze a path back and forth and if I don’t concentrate on stiffening the muscles in my left hand, they’re going to tremor at his touch.
Too late.
“Are you cold?” he asks.
He moves so that he’s sitting behind me, his legs straddling my back as I tip against him. A small sigh escapes my lips.
“Is this okay?” he asks.
I nod, thankful I don’t have to look him in the eye. I know I’m blushing. A part of me wants to feel his big arms wrap around my waist too and hold me close to him, but then I remember we’re watching this movie with company, and this already feels intimate.
I miss King Kong saving the girl on the Empire State Building. I miss the groan of the dock next to us as it rocks on the surface of the lake. Instead, I count the thumps of Reed’s heartbeat through his shirt against my back, wondering why I never paid attention to them before.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
NOW
Every morning until the night of the Morgan soiree is the same thing. I wake up at four, hop in Miles’s truck, and ride to Bloomington Lake. We take the trail holding hands, watch the sun come up from the water’s edge, and steal a kiss before parting ways. Everything about my stolen time with him feels easy. It’s hard to believe I wasn’t always doing it with my life.
We talk about places we want to go someday. Miles says he wants to see the Grand Canyon, and I share my dreams of hang gliding off the coast of California. When it comes to the past though, we never talk about it. I’m beginning to think that whatever happened between Miles and Reed isn’t for me to know anymore. And if there ever was an us before that, it can’t be as good as the us now.
While it doesn’t scare me not talking about the past, the thought of not telling Miles about the soiree does. I lean against his chest, his arms wrapped around me and his face out of view.
“So, there’s this thing at work tonight,” I start. “I mean, I’m not working, but Reed’s parents are putting on an event. I think there’s food and dancing or something like that.”
“Oh yeah? Are you gonna go?”
I hesitate. “I was thinking about it.”
“I’ll go with you if you want me to,” he offers.
This is so much harder than I thought it would be.
“Reed invited me.”
I turn in his arms to gauge his reaction.
“Oh… okay.”
“Okay as in you’re cool with it?”
“Yeah, I mean, I have no claim over you. You get to do whatever you want, Teddy.” He sighs.
“I know, but is it what youwantme to do?”
I want him to say no. We haven’t defined anything, but I want him to admit that this is more.
“How could you ask me that.”
“Because you don’t seem to be fighting for me!”
“When it comes to you and Reed Morgan, I won’t fight you on it. You need to do what’s best for you. Don’t worry about me,” he says, drawing his arms away from where they were wrapped around my neck a second ago.
It stings to hear him say that. But he’s never fought for me, has he? It’s always one step forward, ten steps back with him. I should have expected this.
“No, you’re right,” I say. “It is up to me. I just wanted to let you know I’m going.” I scoot away from him and stand up.
“We should get back,” he says, deflecting like usual.
