She shakes her head. “No, you won’t ever forget. Miles will always be a part of you. He brought you closer to who you’re meant to be all on your own. Your heart still has room, and one day, when you least expect it, you’ll find someone else who changes you again. In the meantime, you live. We have three months in Bear Lake, my love. Swim! Sketch! See the sunset a day or two! Staying in this room will keep you from discovering the thingsyoulove, and you deserve to be happy too.”
What if I can’t be happy without him? What if I never stop wanting what we had and wondering whether we could have had it if it weren’t for someone else? There’s always someone else.
“You’re a wildflower in a field of daisies, Teddy Fletcher. You stand out all on your own. Go out there and let everyone see that girl!” she exclaims in an artsy rendition of what I think is trying her best to show her support. She spreads her arms out wide and then wraps them back around me. To be frank, she lost me at wildflower, but I let her press her head on my shoulder and don’t tell her that.
“But if you need to wallow a little while longer, then we’ll do it together. Heaven knows I have some grievances with your father. We can swap stories!” She knocks her shoulder into mine and taps our ice cream bowls together. I chuckle around another big bite.
My mom holds to her promise, cheering me up with a comical story of the time she found a piece of bacon in the pocket of his cargo shorts while doing laundry. There is something very therapeutic about ice cream and girl time amid heartache, and by the time my bowl is empty, I’m feeling better.
My mom takes the stairs two at a time to answer a knock at the front door.
“Hey, Mrs. Fletcher, is Teddy home?”
I don’t have to lean over the railing and see him to know Reed is the one waiting there. I run my fingertips under my eyes in a post-tear mascara check before his face splits in a cheeky grin the second he sees me.
“Teddy Fletcher, you come all this way, and you don’t bother to say hello? I’m hurt!” He’s resting his forearm against the door frame, his hand over his heart.
It looked like you and Miles were pretty busy to me, I think to myself.
My eyes dart to my mom before I say my white lie out loud. “Just helping unpack.”
“A few of us are going out on the boat.” He dangles the keys from the tip of his pointer finger. “They’re letting me drive it this summer. Isn’t that amazing?! Want to come? That is, if it’s okay with you, Mrs. Fletcher.”
This feels like a twisted game of Would You Rather. Teddy, would you rather go boating with the guy you like and his new girlfriend, who there’s a good chance he’ll make out with right in front of you, or sit at home and drown in your own tears?
“Um…” I look to my mom who lifts her chin high in the air. It’s always been her symbol whenever she wants to convey silent affirmations likeI am brave, I am smart, I can do hard things.
“Okay,” I concede. “I just need to change.”
“No problem. We’ll wait for you at the dock.”
When he rushes back down the lawn and my mom closes the door, I feel another tear slip from the corner of my eye. I’m not sure I want to do any part of this summer.
My mom climbs back up the stairs and takes my hand in hers. “A wildflower among daisies, remember that.”
A wildflower who decides to wear the black bikini Cozy convinced me to buy on clearance last fall. I was freaked out by it at the time, just like I’m intimidated at the thought of spending an entire afternoon with the boy I like who likes someone else. It seems fitting. I change into it, along with a new coverup.
Confidence. That’s what I’m bringing on this boating trip.
I’m halfway across the lawn when I spot them all waiting for me on Reed’s dock. Miles is holding her hand and joking with the group, and that familiar pang in my chest threatens to let loose another dam of waterworks. But I tip my chin a little higher.
I’m a wildflower, I’m a wildflower, I’m a wildflower, I chant as I close the gap.
I try not to look at Miles, and I avoid looking atherat all costs. I wade into the water until I’m thigh deep, and Reed notices me first. He reaches for my hand and pulls me onto the dock facing Rex and Ronny. Somehow over the last nine months, Rex has surpassed Reed in height, and he’s wearing a pair of thick, black-rimmed glasses. Another guy with tattoos, wider shoulders, and a narrow waist touches his arm. Ronny is still… well, scrawny.
“Hey, guys,” I say, forcing a smile.
“Hey! Teddy! This is my boyfriend, Alex,” Rex says, tucking his arm around the tattooed lineman.
We exchange a hello.
“And this is Ruby.” Reed extends his arm to the blonde girl who was sitting atop his shoulders this morning. Her name matches her red lipstick that frames her smile.
“Hi,” I say.
“And, of course, you know Miles.”
I finally do what I’ve been avoiding since the moment I ran back to the cabin this morning… I look at him. My whole nervoussystem screams at me to hug him, but that would be awkward since his arm is attached to someone else.
