“When the oncoming semi hugged the median…”
I hold up my hand to stop him, and the anguish settles into the pinched lines that frame his eyes.
He knows I know.
And I don’t want to hear any more. I don’tneedto.
He reaches for my hand, but I pull it away before he can make contact.
“Teddy, you have to believe me. I hated myself for what I did to you,” he continues. “I made a promise that I would live anywhere but where you were, so you could be safe from me.”
“Then why didn’t you!” I scream, surprising myself at the volume that comes out of my mouth.
I’m angry at him for coming back. For making me fall…
“Ihadto come back. For my dad. But when I saw you that first day on the rope swing… the tortured look in your eyes? I saw a part of myself I’ve been fighting to ignore… someone running from their past.”
A comment like that stokes my insecurity.
“I’m not running from my past!”
He swallows. “Yeah? Then why have you stopped wanting to remember it?”
I grunt and crush the toe of my tennis shoe into the dirt in frustration.
Who does he think he is, using my own words against me?
“I just said I was leaving. I’m not running from anything. And besides, I don’t NEED your approval!” I shout. “I already disappoint enough people in my life.”
“You’re right. You don’t need my approval. If moving away is what you want…”
I wantyou, my heart yearns to yell, but my head fights against it. Resentment leads my emotional control center, and it would rather point its fire-throwing finger at him than face the inferno inside of me.
“What I want? You know what Miles, you’re the coward who doesn’t know what he wants.” I stomp back toward the trail and away from him.
Blame, blame, blame, my head chants, causing me to whip back around and face him.
“You tell me how much you want to leave this place like your mom did, but then you don’t have the actual courage to do it.”
Miles sighs and runs a hand through his rumpled hair. “Maybe you’re right, Teddy. Maybe you can leave this place and forget all the people in it. But I meant it when I told you I can’t. Because whether I was forced to leave last year or not, there isn’t anywhere in this world I could go where you wouldn’t always be with me.”
My tears burn paths down my cheeks. “I…”
I’m desperate to finish that sentence. I was so sure that leaving this place would make everyone happy, including me. But instead, it’s starting to feel like a way of punishing myself. I want to punch against his chest and tell him all the reasons why he’s wrong. Tell him that the only thing he’s actuallyrightabout is this being all his fault. But I’ve burned myself to the ground. There’s no fight left in me.
When he doesn’t chase after me down the trail, I know that’s it. I’m leaving and he’s staying. There isn’t anything left for me here.
Today is my last day in Bear Lake.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
NOW
Iwasn’t expecting it to hurt when I saw the place I worked all summer for the very last time. I linger in the parking lot, taking in the soft lights that string across the patio. What I would give to go back two weeks ago when my one purpose was to serve the guests that dined beneath them. Before I hurt Reed, and Miles hurt me.
A single car I don’t recognize sits in the parking lot next to the closed garage doors.
I hope I’m not too late.
