“It’s different.” He looked down at me. “Us being here. All this pretending… Yara, it isn’t hard.”
My chest burned, and his confession was a soothing salve. “Isn’t it?”
David frowned, but was steadfast in his honesty and openness. “No, not for me.”
21
There wasn’tany time to dissect David’s confession. At least, not out loud. So, I sat at my family’s long, crowded table set with fine china and lacy tablecloths. I listened to aunts and uncles talking about new jobs. My sisters discussed our annual Paris trip. My parents complimented David on his ability to balance football and academia (he’d maintained his 4.2 GPA since high school, of course). Of course, he was smart, polite to parents, and easy on the eyes, and he made my family fall in love with him. Of course.
I sat there through all of that, knowing that he found this easy. Being mine wasn’t hard.
“Yara?” Amiee called my name, bringing me back to Earth. I blinked twice, clearing away the fog of David. Once my vision returned, I realized everyone at the table had their cups raised. They all looked at me, waiting for me to pick up my glass as well.
Ren was standing. She’d gotten to the dinner late and taken her place next to Rose with little fanfare. With the attention on David, I could tell my sister and her fiancé (as of this morning, it’d become official in my parents’ backyard)were itching for some eyes on them. Hence the attempted cheers.
I quickly grabbed my cup and numbly held it up. Adam raised his brow at me from across the table, questioning if I was okay. And a few of my other family members exchanged looks, well acquainted with the lore of Ren, Rose, and me.
I hated that we had lore. I hated that my hesitation made it seem like I was focused on my ex-girlfriend and sister’s engagement when, really, I was panicking because I wanted to kiss David.
Sensing my unease, David casually rested his arm on the back of my chair and leaned in to whisper, “Give it another half hour, and I’ll figure out an excuse to get us out of here.”
I smiled, grateful for the confirmed escape and convincing partner act. David placed his hand on the back of my neck, massaging gentle circles to release the built-up tension. I’d wanted to pick at the space. He’d sensed that and stopped it with ease. The soothing pressure of his thumb was eons better than the sting of self-punishment.
Gazes moved back to the newly engaged couple. I could hear the gossip now:Yara didn’t even want to raise her glass. Her boyfriend had to tell her to keep it up. How sad. How unfortunate. I wonder what she did to deserve it.
That last one was me. An old haunt that reared its head as soon as Ren began talking.
“I want to thank you all for joining us to celebrate.” Ren held onto Rose’s hand as she spoke. “This has been a long time coming, so it’s nice to be here with everyone we love finally.”
Ren’s hair was longer than the last time I saw her. The loose brown curls swayed down her back. Her brown skin had a beautiful tan. She held her head higher than she used to when we were in high school, all youthful insecurity gone out the window. She smiled down at Rose, knowing precisely what she wanted and who she wanted.
I waited for the lingering emotion of betrayal to burn through my chest. I steeled myself for the frustration of my first girlfriend breaking up with me, only to ask my sister out two months later. Steeled myself to feel the hurt about my sister going on the date first and coming to me after.
“I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you,” Ren continued.
That should be an arrow. Knife to the chest. I felt nothing.
“And I’m so excited and honored I have the privilege of being yours and calling you mine.”
Rose was in tears. And I was happy for her. She looked in love. She was in love. I’d never experienced that with Ren.
“Good?” David whispered. Concern made his jaw stiff.
I gave him a grateful smile and subtle nod before whispering back, “Good.”
Before tonight, a small part of me had wondered,what if?What if I wasn’t really okay with Ren and Rose being together? What if the text David sent was something I’d secretly wanted to send all along, and the universe had made it happen? What if Ren was my one true love, and I’d have to spend the rest of my life seeing her at family dinners and on family trips and suffering in silence because my sister was so happy? What if?
The bubble popped, and I’m freed from that fear. We all raised our glasses a little higher when Ren finished her speech. There was a collective hum of “cheers” and “congratulations.”
And I was okay. Maybe even better than okay, because I was never in love with Ren. Never destined to be some forlorn ex, living in the shadows of her happily married sister.
I hadn’t been in love then, which meant I had that to look forward to now.
When we all lowered our glasses, David accidentally knocked his against his soup bowl. From the moment we satdown, he’d been slow to touch everything. Any time his fingers made contact with something, he held it as if it would shatter in his hands. The overcorrection birthed an excess of nerves. While he’d easily comforted me, he couldn’t do the same for himself.
David’s glass tipped over, red wine staining the white linen. My aunt, sitting next to him, yelped and popped up before the liquid could get on the vintage fur coat she’d rested in her lap. Her quick motion disturbed the table, making a small bowl of soup splash over into a plate of olives.
David apologized quickly, trying to grab a cloth napkin, but in the process, knocked over my wine as well. The red stained my wool skirt. He was beet red, fingers shaking. His gaze immediately snapped to my parents, as if he expected a scolding. What he found was laughter instead.
