I frowned. “Yeah…I mean…it’s an important year for you. For most of the guys on the team, right?”
Sam tilted his head like I was speaking a different language. I replayed what I said but couldn’t find the issue. God, picking apart things was exhausting.
“What?” I asked when the silence stretched.
“You remember what we talked about? At our last game against the Crows?”
My stomach twisted. “Vaguely.”
“Why are you lying?”
I stuffed my hands into my pockets. “I…It’s taken some time to get everything back. I’m still working toward full capacity.”
His brow wrinkled. “What percentage are you at now?”
“At least eighty.” More like ten on a good day.
“Really?”
I glanced back at the house to make sure no one else joined us. “Keep this between us, alright? I can’t have the guys slipping up and saying something when I’m on the phone with my folks. Or around Coach.”
Sam looked unsure. “Why are you keeping it a secret?”
“I don’t like the poking and prodding,” I said, letting some of my truth slip through my façade. “My dad started taking me to psychics. He believes almost anything people tell him.”
He chuckled. “Tell me about it. He used to go on and on about mysticism—something I’m guessin’ you also don’t remember. It’s the reason he’s not welcome to dinner at my place. My mom hates that kind of talk.”
“Well, you should know I had a bad reading and it left him thinking I might be possessed.”
Sam’s smile fell. “What the hell?”
“Some lady said I was… What was it?” I massaged my temple, trying to remember. “A shell? Someone new. Freaked him the fuck out for a few days. Understandably, but still, I didn’t like the reaction. I don’t want to make people feel weird around me.”
He hummed. “That’s different. The Finn I knew doesn’t care how people feel around him.”
I let out a breath, building up the courage to say what I wanted to next. “Until I remember everything, I want to be someone new.”
“You sure? Struggling with your memories seems like a big thing to hide. Especially from doctors. What if something abnormal is going on, and they can fix it?”
I shook my head, determined to get him on my side. “There’s nothing to fix. My scans are fine. It’ll come back. Tons of stuff already has. For now, I want to be someone new. Different. Possibly better.”
What I wanted was to bury old Finn in that parking lot. He already felt like a ghost. It freaked me out to think maybe I took his body. I kept that fear to myself.
“I could try to jog your memory,” Sam suggested. “We could go on a victory tour of sorts. I—”
“No,” I cut in. “I don’t want that. I want this to stay between us.”
Sam sighed. “That’s the thing. The stuff that used to be just between us is now something only I remember.”
My brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
He paused for a second to think. “You know, they say ignorance is bliss. Maybe the memory relapse isn’t so bad. You deserve a break from the stress.”
A part of me wanted to hear more, but before I could ask, Sam clapped my shoulder. He looked ready for the conversation to be over. I knew that feeling well.
“Look, don’t worry about it. Forget I said anything. Focus on your recovery. Until then, I look forward to getting the old Finn back.”
I nodded, feeling guilty when I thought,don’t hold your breath.
