“Not deep at all.” I was thankful I hadn’t texted Lawrence more about his involvement. Because then, I’d have to explain to Dakota why I knew a guy like Lawrence.
“I was one of the ones that got hurt,” he said, voice steady like he was reading off a grocery list. “And…um, I’m… sorry for the stammering. I’m trying to gather my thoughts.”
“No, I’m sorry.” I shook my head and reached out to touch him but pulled back in fear that it might make things weird for him. “I didn’t know your need to escape with something this serious. I shouldn’t have pushed you into sharing.”
I chewed on my inner cheek, watching him take in my words. Obviously, anyone could get hurt. And all victims dealt with things differently. Dakota seemed to be pro at keeping his trauma unnoticeable. Being the large guy he was, I knew it had to be easy for him to hide the painful parts. He could simply square his shoulders, stand at his full height, and no one would think he could get hurt. People would overlook his pain as something that he could have prevented. Feelings of anger boiled inside of me at the thought of someone causing him anything outside of the happiness he gave others.
“I want to share,” he insisted. “It’s weird sharing with…I’ve never talked about this with someone I’ve been intimate with.”
“You don’t have to. We can drop it, and I’ll never bring it up again. It’ll be like it never happened.”
He looked displeased with the suggestion. “But it did happen. And I think you should know. Only if you’re okay with hearing some not-so-great things.”
I nodded and placed a tentative hand over his. Dakota squeezed my fingers, looking far calmer than I felt. “I’m okay if you’re okay.”
He nodded and started talking.
Chapter 26
“CoachBillwastheguy that recruited me from high school,” Dakota started. “He was one of the two fired from last year.”
I nodded, keeping my lips sealed so he’d feel free to talk without the fear of me interrupting. From the few articles I read, I had enough pieces of the story to paint a vague picture of what happened last year.
“He actually took me under his wing when I was still a sophomore in high school. None of the guys on the team know that part.” His eyes weren’t on me as he spoke. Instead, he watched his fingers spread across the back of the couch. “He took me to games and showed me what my hard work could accomplish if I applied myself. I don’t think I’d be at Westbrooke without him putting in a good word.”
I frowned at his conclusion. From everything I’d seen, Dakota was more than talented to stand on his own without some predatory coach doing favors. I still kept quiet as he pushed himself to continue.
“He became a guardian of sorts. Always looking out for me. I didn’t grow up with someone like that,” Dakota explained. “I come from a family of six kids. We lived in trailers our whole lives. Money was tight, and my parents weren’t interested in their future. Let alone any of ours. So, we scrapped by with what we could.”
My shoulders sagged because I could relate to that feeling of hopelessness as a kid. Growing up poor made each moment in life feel like an uphill battle. I didn’t know what I do if my parents weren’t determined to climb that hill. If Mom and Dad didn’t work to get us in a stable environment, I don’t know who or where I’d be right now.
Sitting across from me, Dakota was someone who didn’t have support. Not financial and from the sound of it, not emotional either. Yet still, he didn’t walk around with anger — that I felt would have been completely justified. Instead, he’d chosen to be the calm in the storm. Even as he spoke to me about his dark moments, his hand found my shoulder. Dakota’s fingers brushed across my skin like he was trying to comfort me from the pain he’d experienced.
“Guys like Bill, they know exactly who to look for. They have this special gift, like a radar of sorts.” Dakota took a breath. “My stepdad liked to throw punches when he realized life wasn’t going his way. Which, would be every other day. So, as a kid, bruising as a discipline was to be expected.”
I reached up to hold his hand. Dakota seemed thankful for the steady touch.
“I was little when that stuff happened. Like, grade school, barely can read little. But it left a mark on me, you know? Like a target, clear for anyone who wanted a landing place to see.” His words were starting to come out rushed and jumbled as he got to the harder parts. “After growing up like that I felt like I was a magnet for attracting people like that in my life. Bill seemed to know from the moment he met me.”
“Dakota,” I whispered and moved closer so he could feel me near as his gaze stared off into the distance. “You can stop if you need to.”
He shook his head, disregarding my urging. “I wasn’t surprised when Bill hit me. I was used to it. That was discipline. But when he went too far… I froze. Before then, I forgot about what happened when I was little. Pushed it so far away that I convinced myself it was a nightmare. I thought I made all that shit up.”
“Kota,” I said, still speaking in a low voice.
It felt like he’d drifted someplace I couldn’t go to, and my heart ached to see his expression so blank. His dark eyes usually danced with teasing now looked neutral. The hand I’d place mine over curled in a fist like he was ready to fight someone off.
“Look at me, Kota.” I wanted to reach up and turn his face to me, but I didn’t think touching him while he was in such a raw state would be wise.
He turned to me on his own, thankfully. Eyes still empty but changing a bit. Getting back to his normal self.
“Have you spoken to someone?” I asked. “Told a professional what happened? What Bill wanted?”
“Yeah.” His gaze went to his tense fist underneath my hand. He released his fingers, spreading them so that he felt more relaxed. “Last summer. It’s why I’m on the emergency team. The team counselor thought it vital I find a way to channel my emotions in a way that wasn’t football. At the time, football was the only thing I did. And once they learned I enjoyed helping… well, they thought it’d be the perfect way for me to get out of my head.”
“Is it?”
He raised his brow as if the question surprised him. “I… I think so. I’ve been trying not to think too deeply about that part because it’s good. Being part of a team is good. I like doing my part to make people feel okay.”
