“Since when can you tell someone how they should feel?” Leo wondered. It seemed like his nerves were completely gone now, replaced with sheer anger. “Since when can you tell her how she should be? Nate, are you hearing yourself? You go around pretending that you couldn’t care less. Nothing phases you unless it directly affects you and then, you’re the only one who gets to react. People aren’t going to act according to your version of them. I’m not going to play best friend of Nate with your set parameters. Get over yourself.”
Leo had to step back to take a breath. I sighed too at how heavy the air felt between us. Leo made some valid points. I knew and from the look on Nate’s face, he did too.
“I…Look, we’re all trying to figure shit out, okay? It’s hard enough without someone thinking you should act a certain way. That’s all I meant,” Leo said in a calmer tone. “I think I should go before one of us says something we can’t take back.”
“Yeah,” Nate agreed in a dry voice. “You should.”
Leo stalled a bit, looking as if he wanted to say something else. I shook my head when he looked at me. He had said enough for tonight. Both of these guys were boulders when it came to getting what they wanted. Because of their personalities, this wasn’t going to get taken care of with one conversation.
Once Leo was gone, Nate leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling.
“I just…didn’t want to lose both of you,” he confessed, voice softer now.
My shoulders sagged at the simple, honest statement.
“What would you do, if the two closest people to you were easily hurt and wanted to be together?” he asked. “To protect them, you’d warn them. Right?”
“Of course,” I agreed. “But there’s a line. Nate, we’re not fragile little things. It’s like you told me, let us figure our own shit out.”
“I feel like I’m a part of you guys’ shit.” Nate moved to flop back onto his bed. I took a seat next to him.
“We could keep you out of it?” I offered, glancing down at him. “Make some sort of deal where we don’t talk about each other to you. Vice versa?”
Nate shook his head and laughed under his breath. “This feels like the beginning of a bomb countdown. I don’t know how to defuse it.”
I laughed at the drama in his voice. He looked over at me, trying not to smile but eventually giving me a hint of one.
“Leo and I are far more mellow than you,” I reminded him. “If we do explode, we’ll figure it out.”
“Wouldn’t you rather not go through the trouble?” Nate sat up straight so he could see my expression along with my response. “Avoid the pain?”
“Would you have avoided things if you knew how Claire and you would end?” I asked, carefully. Nate needed something tangible in order to understand us. That’s why Leo kept bringing up Claire. I risked taking a page out of Leo’s book, hoping it’d actually work in my favor.
“Yes,” he said, after thinking for a quick second. “Because I lost her. What we had won’t be the same. Ever. That’s the worst feeling in the world and you, Kira, you feel more than I ever could. I don’t want that to happen to you.”
Even though Nate wasn’t close to tears, I could hear a pain I’d never heard before in his voice. My own eyes watered a bit. I cleared my throat and tried to blink the tears away.
“I’m sorry. We never got a chance to talk about you two and I never told you, I’m sorry.”
He shrugged. “It’s fine. I’ll survive.”
“You don’t think I’m strong enough to though, do you?”
Nate grabbed my hand and squeezed my fingers. “I want you to be. That’s all I can really give you, Kira. I really want you to be strong enough.”
“So give me a chance to show you,” I whispered. “Because I am. Whatever happens, even if it hurts, I promise you, I’m not going to hurt myself again. You don’t have to worry about that anymore.”
“On the off chance you do?” His voice wavered with worry.
“You’ll be the first person I call.”
“So, when the time comes, I’ll be beating up Leo for you,” he concluded.
I laughed. “That time won’t come.” As he raised a brow, I added, “But sure. Just fight fair.”
He pulled me close so he could kiss the top of my head before we hugged. “Don’t tell anyone we got this sappy, okay?”
“Okay.” I laughed as I hugged him back. “No one needs to know.”
We were quiet for a minute longer before he murmured into my hair,
“You may not know this about me but, I love you, kid.”
I smiled and nodded. “I know. I love you, too.”
