“Of course you wouldn’t.” He gave up on pulling me in and closed the gap himself. Leo brushed his hand across my shoulders. I willed myself to keep focused on the conversation and ignored his attempts at derailment.
“If you want a relationship with me, you have to tell me when something’s wrong.” My voice was steadier than I hoped. I felt a bit of pride for standing my ground.
When he didn’t respond, I asked, “You do want a relationship, right?”
“I want you. I’m nervous about sharing this part of me is all,” he confessed. “It’s not my proudest moment.”
“Take your time,” I told him, willing to wait but not willing to let things go. “We’re working past our fantasy, right?”
“Right,” he agreed, still looking a bit nervous. Leo did his best to keep eye contact when he started, “After nationals this year, when I injured myself… I planned on taking some stuff. Not just for the pain, but for enhancement.”
Leo paused to see if I had any interjections. I kept quiet, ready to hear the story he’d been holding on to all summer.
“Nate found out and told the coach. I promised the two it was a small misstep. That it wouldn’t happen again.”
“Did it?” I didn’t know what to think. I understood the pressure. I also knew the other side of said pressure. The other side was my parents and their legacy forever marred by their mistake.
“It didn’t, I swear.” He took a deep breath. “Of course, that made things a little weird between me and Nate for a bit. He got nervous, and rightfully so, that if I was caught, people would look at him. Point fingers considering what happened to your parents.”
“Wouldn’t be far-fetched,” I agreed. My fingers still held onto his tightly. “Leo…”
“I’m sorry,” he said before I could tell him what I wanted.
I shook my head, disapproving of the guilt in his voice.
“You don’t need to apologize to me. You didn’t do anything to me.”
“I know, I just feel like I should. For making you feel unnoticed all these years.” He moved a little closer. “I was trying to do everything I could to get noticed… That feeling sucks. And to think I made you go through that.”
“You didn’t make me go through anything,” I assured with a shrug. “I had a crush on a guy who was off-limits. I made me feel unnoticed.”
His hand squeezed mine.
“Why did you want to keep it a secret? You knew I wouldn’t have said anything to anyone. When I first agreed to help you this summer, you could have told me.”
“I wasn’t ready to completely break your fantasy of me just yet,” he admitted. “There was always a chance you’d be disappointed like Nate. Maybe a little annoyed too, considering I had enough privilege to even consider screwing up that way. I didn’t think I’d be able to handle it.”
“Fantasy’s not why I want you, Leo. Sure, maybe I would have been a little disappointed or annoyed but it wouldn’t have made me want you any less.”
“You sure about that?” His hands encircled my waist, thumbs massaging my sides. He let out a heavy breath, relieved by simple acceptance.
“Positive.” I nodded. He stayed quiet for a moment as his fingers still rubbed my skin.
“Thank you for being so…you,” he whispered against my lips. “Understanding and caring. I didn’t realize how much I needed that in my life. Needed you.”
“You’re welcome.” I smiled and leaned in to kiss him more. This time, Leo urged me to part my mouth so he could swipe his tongue across mine. I sighed against him as he pulled me closer. He lifted me off the edge of the pool. My legs wrapped around him as he drifted away from the wall.
“I have to confess, I feel like I haven’t been doing my part in helping you.” He pulled back to look me in the eye.
I frowned, a bit disappointed in his interruptions. Sometimes, a girl just wanted to be kissed and held in a swimming pool.
“What do you mean?” I pressed my forehead against his, hoping the close proximity of my lips from his would tempt him enough to forget conversation for at least a few minutes.
“I remember you wanted to work together this summer so you could decide about your future, finally,” he said. “About leaving Riley Beach, like the rest of us.”
I wrapped my arms around him tighter and rested my head on his chest.
“Pass,” I whispered.
