Leo reached for me when he heard my uneven breathing. With hands on my shoulders, he shook his head and repeated, “You did good. That was good.”
“It was only three seconds,” I lamented, scolding myself even more internally.
“I counted seven.” He rubbed a thumb on my shoulder.
“Can we do some out-of-water exercises?” My chest was already hurting from how heavy I was breathing. Underwater, I had to stop myself from pressing my nails into my legs to stave off a freakout. This was already making me feel pathetic. I was being too much, as Mom would say. Her voice in my head made me press my lips in a fine line.
“We could move into three feet,” he offered. “But as your accountability partner, I don’t think doing land exercises is going to help teach you at this point.”
I sniffed and held my elbows tightly to my sides. “You’re right. I’m just…”
“You’re just nervous,” he said. “That’s to be expected. Don’t beat yourself up about it.”
Under the water, Leo’s hand grabbed mine. He held on tight and instructed me to go under once more. I nodded, determined to stay down longer this time. A large part of me was mortified at panicking in front of a guy who could swim a 100-meter butterfly in forty-seven seconds on a bad day. Teaching me how to stay underwater had to be mind-numbing.
After three more attempts at getting used to being underwater, Leo decided I was ready for the next step: floating. No matter the context, the word “floating” made my shoulders stiffen solely because of swimming. This had always been the worst part of trying to learn. Floating on one’s back required complete relaxation and trust that your body wouldn’t just sink to the bottom of the pool.
“Start with lowering these.” Leo’s hands ran over my shoulders, highlighting how I’d held them so high up they nearly touched my ears. “Do you mind if I touch you here and here?”
One of his hands brushed against my waist, while the other was placed on the back of my neck. I swallowed, giving him a numb nod. Fear and horniness were the world’s most terrible combination. My body didn’t know whether to object or give in.
Thankfully, Leo was completely oblivious to my dilemma. In a calm voice, he told me to spread out my arms and push my feet off the ground.
“I’m not going to let go,” he promised in a whisper with hands steady on my back, keeping my mid-section afloat. My legs rose to the surface in an effortless motion.
“Oh, shit.” I laughed, awkwardly. “Am I floating?”
Leo chuckled. The noise was deep and comforting, this close to my ear. “With a little help, yes.”
I could feel my body bobbing up and down in the water. For a blissful moment, I was carefree. My gaze was on the sky. The moon shone brightly this early in the morning. For the first time, I felt what Nate and Leo must feel in the water: a sense of freedom brought on by my feet not touching the ground.
Leo’s hands shifted a bit, breaking my focus. My body stiffened as I panicked about him letting me go.
“Kira, calm down,” he said quickly, but I was already trying to replace my legs on the pool’s bottom.
When my hand gripped his shoulder, I pulled with a little too much force. Leo tried to steady us by leaning forward, but lost his balance, making us slip under the water. His arms wrapped around me in seconds, pulling me back up before I could fully process the fall.
“You’re fine,” he promised in a hasty voice when I let out a gasp. He pressed me tight to his chest. One arm wrapped around my waist while another held the back of my head. I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes as I tried to calm my breathing by focusing on the rhythm of his heartbeat.
“You’re fine,” he repeated and I could hear the smile in his voice when he added, “Kira, you were great. You relaxed your shoulders and everything. Floating’s half the battle and I think your first go was promising.”
I tried to let out a laugh. My throat tightened so much that I couldn’t finish it. The last time I tried learning was from my parents. Neither of them was patient enough to help me past the floating stage and damn sure had nothing positive to say about my failed attempts. ‘Lazy’ and ‘stupid’ were Mom’s adjectives of choice.
Leo gave encouragement freely, without sounding like he was laying it on thick. I’ve experienced nothing like it. I was used to working tirelessly to get a simple acknowledgment of hard work. I could only describe his simple recognition of my efforts as addicting.
I clung to him a little longer than necessary. Definitely longer than appropriate. But he held on to me too. His fingers spread across my back, sending warmth up and down my spine. The last time he touched me like this, he’d saved me. I buried my face in the crook of his neck, giving myself one pass to enjoy this moment while it lasted.
Leo seemed to enjoy holding me this close, too. I felt him lean his cheek against the side of my head. His fingers played with the hair at the nape of my neck.
“Look at me,” he whispered, and I pulled my head up to meet his gaze. Leo’s mouth was open like he had something else to say, but no words came out once we made eye contact.
I should have let him go. Between Nate’s warnings and my need to move on from him, I should have pulled away. Instead, I leaned in closer. My nose brushed against his and my lips parted. His eyes searched mine, filled with questions and begging for some kind of permission. I would say yes to everything right now, and that terrified me to the core.
Leo didn’t want everything. A part of me knew he’d never ask for that much. Instead, his lips moved closer to mine, hovering in question for one thing. I nodded, hands tightening around his neck so he understood I meant it.
He reached down to urge my legs around his waist and moved us to the side of the pool. The solid edge of the pool’s wall felt grounding. While his body kept mine pinned, his hands reached up to hold my face. I stared at him with wide eyes as I tightened my legs around him.
At this point, there was no denying I was turned on. My nipples were stiff enough to poke the fabric of my swimsuit. Leo swiped a gentle thumb across my breast. I sighed, arching my back to him as he teased the nipple a little longer with slow brushes.
With his body against mine like this, I felt exactly how excited he was - which was why I was impressed by what he did next.
“Damn it,” he whispered against my mouth when I expected to be given a kiss instead. Leo pulled away without another word.
One moment, he was the only thing keeping me warm in the water. The next, he was off of me, and my legs sunk to the bottom, feet touching the cold floor.
Wordlessly, Leo pushed himself out of the water without giving me a second glance. A small, hollow laugh escaped my lips. I didn’t follow him out, too embarrassed to say anything yet. Instead, I pressed my fingers to my mouth and came up with all the reasons this rejection was the best thing that could happen to me. I should have been used to it by now, anyway. I’d shake it off like I did all the rest.
