Some people were born for things. Leo was one of the lucky ones and I could tell by the smile on his face, he knew it.
“Not as good as them,” he denied. “But yeah, the water feels like home.”
“Hopefully it’ll at least feel like a half-decent hotel to me.” I crossed my fingers.
“Do you think what happened that summer…” He paused to find the right words. “Made you even more afraid?”
I considered the question for a second. “Probably. Honestly, I haven’t really thought about it much.”
He looked concerned. “Did you talk to anyone about it?”
I shook my head. “What was there to say? Hey, Mom and Dad, I almost drowned but didn’t when I snuck out one night?”
“It just feels like something you should talk about. If I’d known I was the only one…”
“You wouldn’t have ignored me?” I joked. He didn’t seem as amused. “Leo, honestly, I think moving on was for the best. I wasn’t ready to conquer my fear then. I’m ready now.”
He wore a look of disagreement, yet pressed forward to my last wish. “Stop waiting around for Leo.”
I held up my hands, ready to explain. “Now, hear me out. This isn’t as strange as it sounds.”
“Go on.”
“It’s not just about you,” I promised.
He gestured to his phone where our text thread was pulled up. There was laughter in his tone as he said, “My name’s the only one in this wish.”
My cheeks were burning. “Well, I’ve done some soul-searching and realized it’s more than just about our odd relationship.”
“You’d describe it as odd?” He tilted his head to the side.
“Well, how would you describe it?” I challenged.
“It’s a little strained, maybe? But not odd. The way I see it, you and I have had a lot of false starts.”
False starts. That was one way to look at it. Leo and I were perhaps the definitions of false starts since the first day we met.
I’d met Leo before Nate did, believe it or not. My more outgoing brother saved our bumbling first conversation. Back then, I thanked him for it. Now, I wondered what would have happened if Nate didn’t jump in and capture all of Leo’s attention.
“Because of Nate, there’s always going to be a wall,” Leo added, almost as if he could hear my train of thought.
When I didn’t respond for a beat, he asked, “Don’t you think?”
“Yeah.” I finally nodded. “Which is why this wish is more than just about you. I need to stop using everyone around me as an excuse to wait around for something to happen to me. I’ve been stuck in the same place since high school, watching everyone move on.”
Leo watched me, waiting for more of an explanation. How did I explain years’ worth of the need to people please and chasing perfection in a few sentences? Not being noticed by him messed with me ten times more than the next person, not just because I had a crush. I had a concerning desire to be liked and seen. If swimming was why Leo was born, I felt my reason had to be something good, too. Something more than making the lives of those around me more organized.
“I’m not sure how to help with this one,” Leo confessed.
“The plan is to teach me how to think like you.”
His eyebrows furrowed. “Think like me?”
“Yeah. I’ve been to enough swim meets to see you tune out everyone in a split second. You have years of experience.”
Leo snorted. “That’s not a talent I think you want, Kira. That’s dissociation, which could get tricky when you’re trying to avoid something you should really be talking about. Something like, oh I don’t know, you almost-drowning for instance?”
“I’m fine, Leo,” I insisted with a wave of my hand. “I’m not self-destructive. I want to learn how athletes like you stop over-thinking.”
