Chapter 28
I’m not sure what possessed me to go alone.
Maybe it was the realization that without other people urging me all summer, I wouldn’t have made half the progress.
After letting go of the control of Anderson Lawn, and kind of accepting Mom’s nature - this would be a lifelong process - I was finally itching to make a decision without an extra push from an external source.
I needed to be sure my change could be sustained, even if I ended up alone.
I biked all the way to the community pool before remembering I didn’t have the key. The chain-linked fence wasn’t too high to jump. I’d watched Claire and Nate hop over fences whenever they were running late after ditching school for the day. If they could do it in stiff, plaid uniforms, I could too.
Am I really about to break in?
I took a deep breath. Yes. The answer was yes.
Before I pushed myself up the fence, I texted Leo my location. I needed backup, just in case, things went south. Despite my sudden need to be spontaneous, a large part of me still liked a Plan B.
Maybe one day I wouldn’t feel the need to call for backup. For now, I’d take what I could get.
And what I had was about fifteen minutes of alone time. It’d take at least that long for Leo to get here from his place. More than enough time for me to dive in and sink or swim.
You’ll swim.
It was silly to feel like maybe I wouldn’t this time. I’d completed a race, for heaven’s sake. All summer, I’d practiced going back and forth in this pool. There had been no close calls. Yet a part of me felt as if my progress was a fluke. Without Leo or anyone else, could I get to the other side?
I shed my shirt and jeans. The walk to the deep end of the pool felt shorter than usual. I paused and peered at the black text that read, eight feet. There were no lane dividers here. Just open water about 50 meters across.
My fingers felt tense, so I shook out my hands. The sun slowly moved up in the sky, casting a warm glow across the water. The light made the water look less ominous, despite that, I could feel my stomach drop in dread as I lined my feet on the edge.
I could leave, but then, I’d spend forever wondering. Deep down, I knew if I was going to trust myself to continue growing, I had to jump in.
With one last stretch of my arms, I closed my eyes to speak a silent prayer to whoever was listening. After my prayer was shared with the universe, I inhaled and dove in.
The freezing water swallowed me. Panic set into my muscle when I broke the surface. I willed myself to push through it.
My mind tried to run statistics. The probability of me making it across the pool versus turning back now. The chances of me getting a cramp because of my terrible form and sinking to the bottom in need of saving again.
The thoughts continued to battle for control. I let them hash it out without changing a thing externally. Instead, I kept moving. Kept rotating my arms like Leo had shown me and straightening my legs like he’d suggested.
I had to be the slowest swimmer in history because it felt like I’d been paddling for hours. The other side of the pool appeared just as my side started aching with a stitch. My fingers grabbed onto the slippery surface of the edge once I was close enough. Leo crouched down with a towel in his hand, waiting to welcome me.
“How do you feel?” He wore a smile. The sight of him sent happiness throughout my body. I couldn’t believe just a few years ago, we’d barely said a word to each other. Now, he was in my corner. We were together. And he was giving me a look I only thought dream Leo could.
I wiped my face to get the water out of my eyes. My heart still pumped with residual nerves. “How long have you been here?”
“Since you dove in,” he said.
“You didn’t get ready to intervene.” I noted his socks and shoes were still on and he was wearing one of his nicer shirts.
“Knew I wouldn’t need to.”
My smile widened. “Really? Or are you just saying that to make me feel good?”
“I wouldn’t lie.” He offered me his hand, helping me out of the pool.
Leo’s eyes ran over my body, but he did nothing more than wrap the towel around my shoulders. He massaged the fabric on my skin so I’d dry faster. I stepped close as his hands worked on my muscles.
Leo smelt like he always did, like summer promises, and what-ifs. At that moment, I knew I never wanted to let go of him. The look he gave me said the same. He brushed his finger along my chin, capturing the droplets trailing down my cheeks.
