Tonight. I'll tell him tonight.
The resolution settled in my chest like a stone, heavy and uncomfortable but necessary. We walked in silence back to the moon hearth, and I tried to memorize the way his hand felt wrapped around mine, the warmth of his palm, the calluses on his fingers. Just in case this was the last time he wanted to touch me.
That night, we lay tangled together in the furs, the fire burning low, and I trailed my fingers through the thick dark hairs on his broad chest. He stroked my hair, pressing the occasional kiss to my temple. The companionable silence had stretched for severalminutes, comfortable and warm, lulling me into a false sense of security.
"Ellie."
"Hmm?"
"When your people leave... will you stay?"
My breath caught. The fire popped, sending sparks spiralling upward, and I watched them drift toward the cave ceiling rather than look at him.
He knows. Somehow he knows I'm keeping something from him.
"What do you mean?" I hedged, buying time.
“Your pack, you were travelling somewhere when we found you. Such a small travelling group, and I know you weren’t a hunting party. Your alpha has been desperate to leave since the day you got here, and whatever I think of the man, it’s clear there is something important waiting for you when Rivik finally lets you leave. But… do you need to leave with them?”
"It's... complicated," I said carefully.
His hand stilled in my hair. "It really isn’t." His voice was quiet, almost hesitant, and I felt his body tense beneath mine. "We mated to protect you from Karik. Once he sees you are mated, his claim is gone, he will leave the pack alone and you will no longer need me. So will you stay with me? Or will you leave? I need to know, Ellie."
The vulnerability in those words gutted me.
Tell him. Tell him everything. Tell him you're from the future and you don't know if you can stay and you're terrified of losing him but also terrified of giving up everything you were. Tell him about the mission and the timeline and the fact that you might have to choose between him and the only world you've ever known.
But the words stuck in my throat, tangled up with fear and guilt and the desperate need to protect this fragile, perfect thing we'd built.
"I don't regret mating you," I said instead, the words tumbling out in a rush. "Not for a moment. You're not… this isn't… just for protection, Daska. I need you to know that."
It wasn't a lie. Every word was true.
But it wasn't the whole truth either, and we both knew it.
He was quiet for a long moment. I felt the steady rise and fall of his breathing beneath my cheek, the thud of his heartbeat against my ear. When he finally spoke, his voice was carefully neutral.
"That's not an answer."
"I know." My voice came out small, almost childlike. "I'm sorry. I just... I don't have a good answer yet."
Another silence, longer this time. The fire crackled. Somewhere outside, an owl hooted. The bond between us thrummed with unspoken tension and I could feel the confusion and sadness as though it were my own. I couldn’t do it.
“Daska, if I tell you something, can you… not tell Rivik? Or anyone?”
“You are my mate. You come before anyone else. I will not tell.”
I closed my eyes, thinking about what I was going to say. My speech had come even further these last couple of weeks, but it was still hard to explain time travel to someone who had a very basic concept of time.
"The place I came from…” I started slowly, choosing my words with care. "It's not a place. Not really. Well, it is but…"
He said nothing, but I felt his confusion through the bond. His hand resumed its gentle stroking through my hair, encouraging me to continue.
"Do you remember... when you were a child?" I asked. "And then you grew, and became a man?"
"Yes."
"That's time passing. Seasons passing. Your grandfather was a child, then a man, then an elder, then he died. That's time moving forward. Always forward. Never back."
