“It means pride lets you pretend this is about dignity,” Robbie said. “When it’s actually about fear.”
“Listen, guys, I know it’s hard to understand my decision, but everything’s changing.” My tone was harsher than I liked, butthey’d pushed me too far. “We’re no longer in the same world as Grady. Just like Lila and Gillian. They’re rich. And we’re not.”
“I understand,” Madison said. “I’m the only girl in my class who has only one pair of shoes. And they’re too small. It makes me feel like I’m not as good as everyone else.”
I stared at her. “I had no idea you felt that way.”
“But it’s okay, Mommy.” She held up her cast. “Because look how many friends signed my cast.”
Shame flooded through me. She was right. Friends were worth all the money in the world. However, it didn’t change the fact that my daughter needed new shoes. Or that Robbie couldn’t go to the STEM program.
“Did he offer to pay for USC this summer?” Robbie asked.
“He did. But I told him no.”
“I see,” Robbie said.
“Do you?” I asked.
“Mother, might I suggest you have one of your heart to heart talks with your girlfriends?” Robbie asked. “Perhaps they’ll have insight into all of this. In addition, I’ll not be going to Seattle with you.”
“You go where I go,” I said.
He looked at me, narrowing his eyes. “Do you really expect me to believe that the best thing for us is to leave all our friends, who you’re always saying are like family, not to mention Grady who you love, and move to Seattle? I understand that you’re reacting emotionally to a lot of changes happening in your life right now, but I don’t think you truly believe it’s the right thing. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be in my room.” He left, slamming the door behind him.
In all his years, he’d never slammed anything. The sound was like a punch in my gut.
Madison started to cry. I pulled her onto my lap, stroking her hair. “Don’t worry, baby. Everything’s going to be all right.”
But I didn’t believe a word coming out of my own mouth.
That evening,the three of us headed to Seraphina’s for our weekly dinner with the gang. Occasionally, Grady went with us, but not tonight. I hadn’t heard from him since the night before. I wasn’t sure what I’d expected, after how cruel I was to him, but it still hurt. What was he doing? Thinking?
Buying a mansion?
We got to Seraphina’s a little after six. Robbie and Madison sped off to find the other kids, who were playing a game in the family room. Alex and Vance were outside by the gas fire pit, with glasses of wine in hand. I waved to them as I passed by on the way to the kitchen. My friends were all gathered around the island, sipping wine or bubbly waters. Someone had made a charcuterie platter full of cheeses, meats and fruit, probably Lila. They all stopped talking when I arrived.
“Hey, everyone.” I put on my cheeriest smile, even though I felt like I was dying from the inside out.
“What’s going on?” Delphine asked. “We got a text from Robbie this morning, so don’t bother with a lie of omission. Spill it.”
“What did he tell you?” I settled onto one of the stools at the island.
“He said you’re having a crisis of faith,” Lila said in her gentle voice.
“And thinking about moving back up to Seattle,” Gillian said.
“He’s confused, right?” Seraphina asked.
“No. He’s not.” I helped myself to a glass of wine. “I’ve made a decision. I’m going to sell out and go home to my parents. I can’t keep limping along like I have been for the last five years.”
“Why on earth would you do such a thing?” Delphine asked. “We’re your family. What do you need? We’ll help you.”
“Is it the hospital bill?” Gillian asked. “Because Alex and I will just pay it.”
“Robbie said something about a program at USC this summer?” Lila asked. “And shoes for Madison?”
I breathed deeply to calm myself. “He shouldn’t have told you any of that.”
