Sofia took her friend’s hand.
‘Oh Mads, I didn’t realise things were that bad. You should have told us.’
‘You’ve both got busy lives, and we hardly live round the corner from each other. I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me, the pathetic widow, desperate for company.’
‘No one would have thought that!’
‘Maybe not, but when you go from being part of a couple to being on your own, people see you differently.’
‘I’m nearly always on my own.’
‘With respect, that’s different. You’ve chosen your lifestyle. You never wanted to be tied down. I didn’t choose this. I thought we’d be together till the end. Once Tony retired, we had such plans…’ Sofia ached at the break in Maddie’s voice. ‘Gone, all gone in an instant.’
Sofia leant over to give her friend a big hug.
‘Can’t you still carry out some of those plans, in his memory? Go somewhere that the two of you wanted to go to? Get a group of his friends together? He was such a popular guy.’
The tears that had been threatening started to drip down Maddie’s face.
‘Oh yes, he was popular. Bloody popular. Everyone loved Tony. I sometimes think people would rather I’d have gone in his place. Dull, reliable Maddie that hardly anyone would miss.’
Sofia wiped away her friend’s tears with a tissue.
‘Now, you stop that at once. Of course nobody thinks that. Tony was a lovely guy; you don’t need me you to tell you that. And I’ll admit he was once the hottest boy in the sixth form. But he chose you, Mads. He loved you. And you loved him. It must be hell to live without him, even for one day. But you’ve got to find a way to carry on.’
Maddie’s voice was barely above a whisper.
‘Why?’
Her friend’s tear-stained face broke Sofia’s heart.
‘For your kids, for your granddaughter, for your friends, but most of all, for yourself. I know I’m making it sound simple, but please don’t waste the years you have left. Tony wouldn’t have wanted that, would he?’
Maddie’s shake of the head reminded Sofia of a small child being asked to eat a vegetable they hated.
The shock of hearing just how lonely her friend was had made her realise she should have done more over the past year. Just because Maddie said she was fine on the phone each time the three of them spoke didn’t mean anything. She’d been guilty of accepting her assurances at face value, and if she was being honest, relieved that Maddie was doing OK. Her friend had put on a great front, but they should have dug deeper.
‘What about your kids? Aren’t they being supportive?’
‘My daughter makes sure to visit as often as she can, but she’s rushed off her feet. She runs two businesses now with her husband and, between us, she’s been trying to get pregnant for a couple of years as well.’
Maddie’s plan to keep that one quiet had gone out of the window, but sometimes she couldn’t stop herself blurting things out. Perhaps it would throw Sofia off the scent.
‘I hope she gets what she wants. And your son? He only lives up the road.’
The bleak look in Maddie’s eyes told Sofia more than words ever could.
‘He blames me for Tony’s death.’
‘How the hell did he come to that conclusion?’
‘He says I should have made him go to the doctor’s more regularly for check-ups. And that I shouldn’t have made him cooked breakfasts and given him bacon.’
Maddie put her hand on Sofia’s.
‘It was our treat at the weekends. He loved my fry-ups. We’d sit and eat in the garden whenever we could, with big mugs of builders’ tea.’
The light came back into Maddie’s eyes as her memories gave her a precious moment of peace.
