I think I’ve exhausted all my tears. “It’s true, though. We barely have anything in common. She’s intelligent andhardworking and has a great future ahead of her,” I explain, plodding back over to my bed.
Crew has been nice enough not to comment on my noticeable weight loss, nor the heavy bruises beneath my eyes.
He follows after me, undue anger flaming a trail behind him. “You don’t have to be exact copies of each other. It’s normal in relationships to have differing interests. And this whole pity party shit isn’t going to fly with me. You’re just as intelligent and hardworking as her, okay? You have the fucking chops to make it to the NHL, and I don’t say that lightly. Leif doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about. He’s trying to come between the two of you.”
“He made some good points?—”
Crew shuts me down instantly. “No. Don’t do that. I don’t want to hear it. He doesn’t speak for you, okay? And he certainly shouldn’t dictate who’s allowed in your life.”
Clemently, I bow my head, and my apparently poor response dies a swift death in my throat. “I just want her to be happy.”
It’s a lame excuse, I know. I’m not trying to offload the blame onto anyone else. I ended things on my own accord. I let Leif ruin months of hard work and emotional buildup.
The sight of Crew’s open palm accosts me before he gently whacks me over the head. “She was happy withyou, dumbass!”
All of this feels so surreal. Am I even having a real conversation right now? Is Crew some hallucinatory coping mechanism that I’ve conjured up to keep me company in my blacked-out prison cell? I mean,clearlynot seeing as that hit definitely rattled some brain cells awake.
“You don’t know that.”
“Oh, please. Anyone with two working eyes could see that that girl was head over heels for you. I don’t care if you’re looking for absolution. You won’t find it from me. You messedup, and now you need to work ten times harder to get her back.”
I knew my moral plight was never going to last long. Though, the revelation doesn’t offer instant relief. No, there’s a dumbbell weighing down my chest, and it takes my breath as currency for the wrongs I’ve committed.
“I was trying to protect her. From my father, from me. She deserves to be surrounded by people who grew up in a happy, healthy family. She deserves stability.”
Crew’s expression softens, and I don’t think I’m in the line of his rampage anymore. “That’s not your choice to make.”
“But how could I live with myself if she chose me? Slumming it in Minnesota with her school-mandated job and unlivable salary and boyfriend that never ends up amounting to anything?” My voice is raw, but not from a long stretch of crying. Everything is just—I feel like a walking, open wound. Was I always looking for an exit ticket? Was Staten’s love not enough to fill the holes that my father left in his absence?
I’m honestly expecting another smack to the head, but a sigh billows out of Crew’s lips instead. He stares at me from behind the trajectory of the hallway light, eyes reflective, akin to a creature captured on a trail camera late into the night. “I once thought that about myself—that I’d never amount to anything. Merit had this great future ahead of her, and I had nothing.”
I never knew this about him. He always seemed like he had his whole life planned out.
“She didn’t care about any of that. When you’re in love with a person, the future becomes something you share with one another. It’s no longer your burden to carry alone. Did you ever stop to think about Staten’s feelings through all of this?” he inquires, and my silence is answer enough.
“I never thought about it like that,” I admit quietly.
“You don’t have to push her away, Knox. I know you’re just trying to protect her, but you’re hurting her in the process.”
A sob nearly hits the back of my throat, and my sentence collapses a little. “What about Leif? He asked to be her boyfriend.”
“That bastard is lucky if the team and I don’t have a strongly worded talk with him. If Staten didn’t readily accept his proposal, then she’s made her choice. Her opinion is the only one that matters.”
For the first time ever, I can happily say that I’m grateful Crew Calloway broke into my house and gave me a piece of his mind. I ran at the first sign of trouble, just like Staten’s dad did. I abandoned her when she needed me the most. I thought I knew what was best for her, and instead of having an adult conversation about the future of our relationship, I shot myself in the foot. She’s always believed in me. She’s always been there to lift me up.
I need to get her back. I need her to know that I won’t let my insecurities control me anymore. I never should’ve listened to Leif in the first place.
I was in rigor mortis before I met Staten. She’s the one responsible for bringing me back to life when the world was so intent on letting me wither away. I love her. I love her so fucking much that it hurts.
Hope hardens in my chest like creosote. I don’t want it to be a false alarm. “What am I supposed to do now? How do I win her back?”
A grin furls Crew’s lips, and he gives me a sympathetic pat on the back. “With a lot of groveling, my friend. And maybe some monetary compensation for her suffering.”
31
CRYSTALS, CONFESSIONS, AND CLOUDBURSTS, OH MY!
STATEN
