“Okay, good to know. Congrats! And no fear that I’ll say anything to anyone without your permission.” She sighs again. “But in that case, would you have any interest in a support group for people joining or forming packs after the age of forty? It’s intended particularly for people who’ve never been in packs before, although packmates are welcome as well.”
I freeze, fingers half through still-damp hair. “You mean there are others?”
Mind blown. Almost everything in the news, books, and movies focuses on packing up early. Anamaria’s been complaining about being pressured to find a pack, and she’s only twenty-three. Packing up young is the general expectation—but why didn’t I consider that there might be others like me? That Corin, Nathan, Dan. and I are not alone? We don’t have to figure it all out ourselves, unless we want to.
“While most packs form while members are in their twenties and thirties, there are definitely many of us late-bloomers, or ‘late-packers,’ as we sometimes call ourselves.” Hester chuckles. “At any rate, if you’re interested, let me know, and I’ll forward your information to the conveners. The actual invitation to join has to come from one of them. There’s a meeting Sunday. I can’t guarantee you’ll hear from them by then, but I thought I’d call now, in case things could work out.”
“The conveners—you mean that doesn’t include you?” Hester’s earlier use of ‘calling ourselves’ registers. “You’re packing up, too?”
“Maybe, possibly—it depends. It sounds like your pack would be a new creation.” She gives an odd sound, half laugh andhalf groan. “The pack that’s courting me has been together for decades.”
“Ouch.” The mere idea of joining an established pack, people who already know each other inside and out, makes me shudder. My situation sounds so much better by comparison.
“Everything has its pros and cons,” she says.
“Got any advice?” She’s a therapist, after all, with years of experience counseling people through troubled times.
“Nothing you won’t have heard a thousand times over the years.”
“I’ll take it anyway.” I grip the phone tightly, holding it close and un
“Listen to your instincts and your inner self. You have them—everyone does, even if most betas’ tend not to be so insistent as alphas’ and omegas’,” Hester says, encouragingly. “Regardless of designation, the older we get, the harder it can be to follow instincts. We get set in our ways or lose confidence in our inner selves. Don’t do anything you don’t want to or go anywhere you don’t feel safe—but, also, don’t let that stop you from asking hard questions early on. If your packmates only want you when you make life easy for them, they’re not worth it. Pack is for hard times, not just fun and sex.”
“Got it.” I straighten, expressing my gratitude for her call and advice, and ask for her to share my information.
Heading downstairs, I follow my instincts to the dining room, where Corin’s setting the table for four. He opens his arms, and I walk right in. Nuzzle my face against his neck and shoulder. His sweet mix of cider and cedar soothes and grounds me, giving me a firm foundation on which to stand as I face uncomfortable truths.
Hester’s words repeat in my head—not just about relying on my instincts, but her situation: being courted by a well-established pack. Mine differs, but perhaps not as much as I’doriginally thought. I’d put myself in her shoes in my instinctive reaction—but, in fact, I could be considered on the other side. Our pack, if we form it, will be new, but Corin and I are all but packmates already. Dan and Nathan have to deal with that, just as Hester has to deal with the long history of her possible pack.
Which means Corin and I have to decide if we want to allow them in.
Nathan and Dan are coming to our house to tackle the hard questions. Corin and I will be on our own territory
Impossible not to admire their courage and determination.
Nor to realize how proactive they and Corin are being about exploring us as a pack while I, on the other hand, have been more passive. I’ve gone along for the ride, but not taken any kind of lead role. Maybe that’s pack politics and alpha natures, that they lead, but it doesn’t sit well with me.
If I’m going to do this, I need to be all in—or not at all.
When the doorbell rings, I leave the warmth of Corin’s arms. Cold air rushes past me as I open the door to Dan and Nathan.
Despite the chill evident on their faces thanks to the early winter storm, the assorted bags they carry, and the two cat carriers with unhappy tenants, there’s a glow about them. Ruddy teeth marks show clearly on Dan’s bare arm, but it’s not the physical symbol of their connection that strikes me.
No matter that I can’tseethe bond; an almost tangible surge of warmth flows between them.
Undeniable desire rises up in me.
Hester did suggest I listen to my inner self, so I do, if not yet sharing it with the world.
I want that kind of connection.
Chapter 39
Unintended Consequences
DAN
Thank the gods Nathan insisted on bringing his cats.
