“I couldn’t see how it would ever happen.” Johanna sighs, hands dropping to the table and head drooping. “Max was ...”
“Max was coming around.” I lay a hand over hers, giving a light squeeze. Man and alpha enjoy the feel of her warm, soft skin beneath mine.
“What?” She blinks and shakes her head. “Given how angry his omega was when he last saw you, I was sure he wouldn’t want anything more to do with you. Except, then he didn’t seem to remember any of it, just acted as though the heat had been normal, and we went on with life as usual. Until it wasn’t.”
“He didn’t talk about me at all?”
“No.” Another shrug, though not so strong as to pull her hand from beneath mine. “That’s why I was so surprised to see you on Tuesday.”
“Johanna, I had lunch with him regularly after the heat, first every other week, then every week, until his diagnosis.”My chair squeaks and protests as I turn to face her full on. I lift her hand from the table and press her fingers between mine. Gently, so she can pull away easily, should she choose. She doesn’t, though she trembles.
“You and Max?” Her breaths are high and fluttery. Color drains from her face. A sour edge tinges her scent, overriding the soup and bread.
“I was courting him, convincing him that he wouldn’t have to give you up if he let me into your lives.” Each word falling slow and clear, I give her time to absorb this information, punctuated by her rapid breathing. “That he’d be adding a friend to his pack, an alpha friend to romance and be romanced by, rather than losing his beloved beta. That I would never ask anything sexual of him outside of heats, only of you. You and Max are the only ones I’ve loved since the accident.”
Johanna’s free hand covers her mouth. Tears glitter in her eyes. “He never told me.”
“I think he was getting ready to tell you, to let me court you both, before he died.”
Little though I want to let go, I pull my right hand away to retrieve my wallet. The billfold falls open easily, but I need both hands to remove Max’s message.
The high-quality paper unfolds, and I flatten it as I slide it toward her.
Her hands shake as she picks it up.
I’ve memorized every word. The top bears my name in a shaky hand. Other jerky letters spell out a simple line below:
I’m sorry I waited too long to say yes.
Below, a tidier hand specifies that this was one of the last things Max wrote. That he wanted me to have it and wished he’d been able to deliver it in person. The handwritten letter came tucked inside a typed invitation to be part of Max’s trust. The outer layer is in my bureau at home, but I’ve kept the inner with me ever since it arrived in the mail.
“You’re all I’ve wanted of life since I lost my pack. I hoped to become a pack with you and Max.” We’d come so close. “That’s not possible, so I’ll take a place in a pack with you, Corin, and Dan, if we can make this work.”
“How? We only spent a day and a half together.” She lays the paper on the table between us, well away from the food. Her gaze lifts to mine as one hand strokes the letter.
“A very intense day and a half.” In case she’s forgotten. “I’ve seen how you are with one you love, the care and fire and commitment you bring. You shared your dreams and losses with me and listened to mine in return.” I lean forward, moving slowly so she can pull back if she chooses. She doesn’t, letting mestroke her warm, ruddy cheek. “It took less time for my alpha to want my first mates, so I don’t find loving you at all surprising.”
“I dreamed of you after your gift arrived. Dreamed that you were there in the tub with me after Max’s heat, saying things just like this.” Her cranberry scent flares, a tangy sweetness overriding the hint of sour.
“Something inside you knew. I fell in love with you that night, and I’ve been working toward being with you ever since.” I run a finger down her arm to where her hand still strokes the letter. Her fingers turn and clasp mine.
“I don’t know that I fell in love with you then. I wouldn’t let myself develop feelings for anyone who helped with Max’s heats because they were temporary, and it would hurt too much when they left.” She dabs at her eyes, bright with tears with her free hand. “But I dreamed of you sometimes. This is like a dream.”
“It’s no dream.” I lean in and brush a light kiss over her lips. When I draw away, she follows for a second kiss before pulling back.
“I haven’t been in the nest since that heat. Haven’t set foot in the bedroom I shared with Max since his death. Too many memories, most of him, but also of you.” Her gaze turns distant and abstract, as though she’s not seeing me, but she holds tight to my hand.
“Do you need company?” The idea of returning to the nest, the last place I was with both of them, holds an unexpected lure. Something deep inside twangs.
“Maybe. Yes.” Johanna’s already in motion as she speaks, pushing her chair back and rising, all without letting go of me. “Now, while I still have strength and will to face the last of the ghosts.”
“This probably isn’t the last.” I warn as we climb the stairs, treads creaking beneath us. A thin layer of sweat glows on her face; her scent is a mix of sweet and sour, and she’s panting.My alpha tracks her breathing closely, not distracted by how her breasts move under the soft sweater. “It’s been years, yet I still stumble as unexpected memories come back to haunt me. More often than I’d like, they’re ill-timed.”
“That’s not encouraging.” She clutches my hand while leading the way as though worried I don’t remember where to go.
“Mostly, they’re good visitations.” I run my free hand along her shoulders, fingers coming away damp. “Sometimes, I wake from sleep basking in memories so real, it’s as though my mates lie breathing next to me, and I try not to move and lose the feeling.”
“Now that sounds lovely.”
