“And you’re not?” This time she yanks away, retreating and folding her arms across her chest with her hands tucked under. Her scent has a sour edge that makes my alpha want to snarl and cuddle her close.
“Damn right I am.” I shake, faint but certain tremors running along my spine so that I can’t get a deep breath. It’s not just me trembling, but the world—or at least the cushions beneath and behind me.
My alpha vibrates in my chest, longing to lurch forward and grab her, but we can’t, not without some sign she’d welcome it. Fists clenched against my thighs, I wait out the yearning until he subsides. A few deep breaths, and some of the tension in my shoulders eases, though the sofa cushions continue to quiver.
Time to start again, give Johanna something else to chew on. However, I don’t expect the truth that falls from my mouth.
“It took all of five months after we met before I loved you.”
She stills, and only then does the world cease trembling. We’ve both stopped moving. The smell of sour cranberries remains, but at least it doesn’t grow any more bitter.
“Before then, you were Max’s Johanna, and I loved you because he did. Otherwise, I put up with you.” I let the truths spill out, one after another. “You were just an irritating collaborator who sometimes came up with good ideas and, more often, poked humiliatingly logical holes in mine. Until one day, we were at a table, just the two of us, throwing verbal darts at each other, and out of nowhere, you laughed.”
Her mouth is agape, chest rising and falling as she stares at me. No laughter now, yet if I were to close my eyes, I could summon memory of that light, rippling sound that marked the change in our relationship from before to after.
“From then on, I loved you as a person I valued and wanted in my life. Don’t ask me how many ways I’ve loved you, or when romantic love was added to the list, or when I first desired you. I can’t pinpoint when any of that happened.” I shrug and spread out my hands. “I just know I loved you then, and I love you more and differently now, and it’s not a betrayal of Max.”
She’s panting now, breaths high in her chest, breasts jiggling. My alpha is, understandably, distracted, but I forge on regardless.
“If Max hadn’t died, I don’t know if we’d have come to this point or not,” Giving in to my own longing and my alpha’s, I reclaim one of her hands to hold in mine. Cherish it, stroke her soft skin, taking pleasure in the way her fingers quiver at my touch. “But he did, and we are, and as sad as I am to have lost him, I’m not sorry to be here now with you. I want you in my life in all ways, morning, noon, and night.”
“I was doing so well.” She sniffs and glares, rubbing her eyes with her free hand. “And then, you just had to break out into a big romantic speech.”
A tangy sweetness overrides the sour in her smell, prompting my alpha to purr. My chest vibrates, and I press her hand against it so she can feel as well as hear as I ask, “Does that mean I can hold you?”
Only my purr prevents utter silence from settling over us for a long moment as she stares at me.
Then, she dives forward. Her head bumps into my chest, awkwardness giving way as the rest of her body follows. Her arms snake around to clutch my shoulders. Mine round her back as she snuggles into my lap. The top of her head tucks under my chin and she rubs against me. I’m the one purring, but she’s like a cat, kneading and rubbing until settling and pressing soft kisses against the base of my throat.
Much as I would love to bask in the moment, there’s still too much left unspoken—not to mention the one-on-one lunches she doesn’t yet know I’ve set up for the rest of the week.
“I need words, darling.” I nuzzle the delicate curve of her ear as she kisses my throat again. “You liked my, er, romantic speech, but you haven’t actually said what you want, what you’re willing to be with me.”
“Anddowith you?” Her eyebrows lift in suggestively as she pulls back just enough that we can see each other, catch a hint of the warmth of each other’s breath. Her hands still stroke my shoulders and mine brace her arched back.
“That, too. Consent and all that jazz.”
“Somehow, you asking about consent is very sexy.” Her gaze drops to my mouth. She shifts, bringing a hand around, and traces my bottom lip back and forth. “I’m interested in all manner of consent, in bed and out, though we’ll have to negotiate the details as we go. It’s been so long since I’ve beenwith anyone outside of Max’s heats that I don’t know if my likes have changed.”
“I’d be happy to help you find out.” As she strokes my lips again, I slip my tongue out and taste her fingertip. Pure, tangy cranberry.
“I thought you might.” She adjusts her seat, giving my cock room to harden further. The teasing twist to her mouth suggests the shift wasn’t by chance.
Much as I want to pursue that line further, duty calls.
“What about Dan and Nathan?”
“What about them?” She shrugs and leans back, shoulders stiffening.
“Do you want them?” I stroke her back, careful to keep my tone as casual as possible. She’s demonstrated that she wantsme. Therefore, I can be generous and share. My alpha huffs, not completely on board.
“Maybe.” She meets my gaze with a mixture of challenge and uncertainty. “Do you mind?”
A rueful chuckle escapes me. “Yes, no, and let me get back to you on that.”
“That’s not an answer.” She pokes my chest, then rubs the spot to ease any hurt.
“I love you. I don’t love them.” Oddly, my inner alpha pushes me to clarify that last, offering me intriguing flashes of ordering Dan or Nathan to pleasure her, using them as extensions of myself, or even exploring the nuances of Dan’s mix of dominance and submission. “I don’t love themyet. I might learn to, provided they treat you well enough that you decide to keep them around.”
