“Until the dominance thing is settled, we can’t risk living in the mountain with her parents.” Corvis says with a sigh that seems to deflate him. His shoulders slump.
“Yeah.” I lower my head further, shame washing over me like ice water. This is all because of me. Because of what I’m becoming. Because I can’t control myself. My vision blurs with tears I refuse to let fall.
“We can stay at the oasis.” Keir offers with a bright smile, trying tolighten the mood. I swear if he were shifted, his tail would be wagging a mile a minute.
“It’s not fit to live as our humans there.” I lament, knowing deep in my heart I’d rather be submerged in that hot spring with only my nostrils sticking out—safe in the darkness and warmth. Away from everyone I might hurt.
I reach out and spin the bottle again, and it lands on Corvis. My chest tightens before he even speaks. “I feel like I’m failing as a mate. I can’t protect you from what needs to happen. My dad told me about the old dominance challenges. Most times they end with one being dying.” The heartache I feel from three sides of the bond makes my chest constrict, the pain physical and sharp. I can feel their fear, their helplessness, their love—all of it crashing into me at once like waves against rocks.
“Balor or Orpheus should be able to stop us if they can get to us. They possess the ability to take hold of someone’s mind and control it for a short time. They may be able to force our shift, then either Keir or Ziggy can get us out of there.” My eyes remain locked on my hands and the twisted fabric between them. A tear drops onto my knuckles, hot and shameful.
“Let’s watch a movie. Enough heavy shit for one night.” Keir offers and hands me mate number four, the egg warm in the carrier. “Snuggle your egg—maybe he can offer some advice as to what to do.” Keir offers as Hemlocke helps me up off the floor, his hand supporting my elbow.
All I can do is nod and take Solaris out of the carrier. The minute my skin touches his egg, warmth floods through me—not just physical heat, but something deeper. The orange shell is smooth beneath my palms, alive and pulsing. He tells me about the old ways. Images flash through my mind—ancient dragonesses, battles for dominance, the separation of dragon and rider consciousness.
‘Ah, lass, don’t worry yourself sick,’Solaris says, his voice ancient and wise despite being unhatched, with a subtle Scottish lilt that reminds me of mountain winds.‘You’re not losing yourself. You’re becoming what your flight needs you to be.’
I curl around the egg on the couch, my mates settling around me—Corvis against my back, Hemlocke at my feet, Keir pressed against my side. The couch cushions dip under our combined weight. Outside, I can hear the wind picking up, rattling the windows. “I’m scared,” I whisper into the egg, so quietly I’m not sure my mates can hear. “I’m so scared of what I’m becoming.”
‘Aye, and you should be,’Solaris says matter-of-factly.‘Fear keeps you sharp, keeps you from becoming a monster. But listen to me, wee dragoness—the separation, the two minds? That’s my gift to you. It’s not a curse, though it feels like one right now.’
“How is being split in two a gift?” I press my forehead against the shell, feeling it warm against my skin.
‘Because, lass, it protects your soft heart from what you have to do. Your dragon can be the weapon, the protector, the killer when she needs to be. But you—Raven—you get to stay whole. You get to keep your compassion, your love, your humanity.’His voice is gentle now, almost fatherly.‘The old queens, the ones who survived the dominance battles? They all had this gift. Without it, they became nothing but beasts. Destroyed everything they loved.’
“Mom doesn’t have it.” My voice cracks.
‘No, she doesn’t. And that’s why this is so hard for her, fighting her own daughter. But you’re different, lass. You’re stronger because you can separate. When you face her, your dragon will do what needs doing, but Raven—the woman who loves her mother—she’ll stay safe in here.’He pulses warmth through the bond.‘And when it’s over, when your dragon has claimed dominance, Raven will still be there to weep for what had to happen. To love her mother even after defeating her.’
“That sounds horrible.” Tears stream down my face now, hot and unchecked.
‘Aye, it is. But it’s also beautiful, in its own way. You get to be both—the fierce protector and the loving daughter. The queen and the woman. Most dragons have to choose. You get to be both.’
I feel Corvis’s hand on my back, rubbing soothing circles. Hemlocke’s fingers wrap around my ankle. Keir presses a kiss to my temple. They don’t know what Solaris is telling me, but they can feel my distress through the bonds.
“What if I can’t control when she takes over?” The question that’s been haunting me.
‘Then you learn, lass. That’s what I’m here for. To teach you the old ways, the control the ancient queens had. You’re not alone in this. You’ve got four mates who love you fiercely, parents who’d move mountains for you, and me—an ancient soul who’s seen this before.’His voice drops lower, more serious.‘But I won’t lie to you, Raven. It’ll be hard. You’ll make mistakes. You might hurt people you love before you learn to control it. But you will learn. I promise you that.’
“How can you promise that?” I whisper.
‘Because I can feel your heart, lass. And it’s strong. Stronger than your dragon, stronger than your fear. As long as you hold on to that heart, you’ll find your way through.’
The movie Keir put on plays in the background—something with explosions and dramatic music—but I’m not watching. I’m just holding my unhatched mate, letting his words sink in, feeling my other mates’ warmth around me.
‘Rest now, wee dragoness,’Solaris murmurs.‘Tomorrow you face the world again. Tonight, just be with your mates. Let us love you. Let yourself feel safe.’
“Thank you,” I whisper against the shell.
‘Always, lass. Always.’
I settle deeper into the couch, into my mates’ arms, and let myself breathe. The apartment is warm, the movie continues, and for this moment—just this moment—I let myself believe everything might be okay.
Even if I don’t quite believe it yet.
Chapter 51
Raven
