Alex came toward the front door, triggering the motion sensor to activate the front floodlight. He dropped to one knee in front of me and reached for my hand.
I jerked it away before he could touch me. “What are you doing here?” My pulse kicked up so high it felt like a percussion section had started playing a private concert inside my chest.
“I’m literally on my knees, begging you to forgive me.” He looked like shit. Shit that had sat out all day and warmed up in the Texas sun. His hair shot out in all directions like he’d been running his hands through it all day. Dark circles stood out under his eyes.
“Get up.” I turned my back on him and headed toward the door, wanting to put some sort of barrier between us. I supposed the glass door would have to do.
He struggled to his feet and caught my hand. “Please give me a chance to explain.”
“There’s nothing to explain.” I turned toward him and crossed my arms over my chest. “You bailed.”
Biting his lip, he nodded. “You’re right. There’s no excuse for me leaving. Especially not the way I did. I’m sorry about the shelter.”
“I guess you heard. Joke’s on me, isn’t it? The whole reason I went into this was to try to save the shelter. And now they’re tearing it down anyway.” It was too much. I hadn’t begun to process Alex walking out on me and now I had to deal with losing the shelter, too. I slumped against the doorway and let the tears finally come.
“Come here.” Alex opened up his arms. I didn’t want to lean on him. He’d done nothing but cause pain, but he moved closer, and before I could turn away, I’d plastered myself against him, holding on for dear life as waves of grief washed over me.
It was an ugly cry. A snot-running-down-the-nose, T-shirt-soaking outpouring of emotion.
“It’s okay.” His palm smoothed over my back while he murmured soothing words against my ear. “It’s all going to be okay.”
I fought with myself between wanting to knee him in the groin and leave him writhing on the floor and needing to take the comfort he offered. When it seemed like I could pull back and face him without bursting into tears again, I broke the embrace.
“You okay?” he asked.
I wanted to tell him I’d never be okay again but instead I nodded, not wanting to let him see me in my weakened, pathetic state. “I’ll be fine. Don’t you have a plane to catch?”
“No. I did. I mean, I got a ticket to Grand Cayman and flew to Miami but then it hit me.”
I’d like to hit him. But I also wanted to find out what big revelation he thought he’d experienced. “And?”
He took my hands in his. “And I don’t want to run. Not this time. Not from you.”
My lungs failed me and I took in a shaky breath. “But you did.”
“I know. I spooked.” He shrugged. “I felt stuck, like I’d backed myself into a corner.”
“Are you trying to make me feel better or worse?”
“That’s just it.” He squeezed my hands. I’d missed the contact. Even though he’d been gone less than forty-eight hours, it felt like forever since we’d touched. “It was all me. I’ve spent my whole life trying not to get attached. I watched my dad give up his dreams because he got trapped. I didn’t want that to happen to me.”
“God forbid you find love. You’re right, what a horrible way to make sure you’re miserable for the rest of your life.”
“Would you let me finish apologizing? Someone told me once that it doesn’t count unless I say the actual words.”
For the first time, the crushing feeling around my heart eased. “Whoever said that sounds super smart.”
“She is.” He squeezed my hands together. “Zina Baxter, I failed you and I’m so incredibly sorry. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Will you please accept my apology and give me another chance?”
“What happens if you get spooked again?”
He pressed something into my hands. “Here’s my passport. I want you to hang on to it for as long as it takes for you to feel like I’m not going to run out on you again.”
“Alex, I can’t take this. I don’t want it. You shouldn’t feel bound to me because you can’t leave. If you want to make thiswork, you have to make the choice every day that you want to stay.”
“I figured you might say something like that, so I brought you this, too.” He held out a clicker, just like the one he’d used to train the penguins. “Let’s work on this together. Anytime I get out of hand you can put me back in my place with a click.” He demonstrated by pressing on the thin metal strip.
“Can I train you to feed the dogs and pooper scoop by clicking on the magic clicker?”
