I can’t have a baby. I can’t be a father.
I can barely look after myself. There is no way I should be given the responsibility of another person.
The engine continues to rumble. The perfect tease.
I could back out of this space and refuse to get involved with this. Or I can walk into that building and embrace whatever is about to come at me.
Both options are equally as terrifying.
17
BEATRICE
“Ithink I’m going to be sick,” I mutter quietly.
Sienna’s grip on my hand tightens.
“Deep breaths,” she whispers.
The scent of the hospital turned my stomach the second we walked in through the huge sliding doors, and it isn’t easing at all. However, it could be more to do with nerves and stress than anything else.
The last four days have been…a lot.
When Sienna let herself into my apartment after the game, all my secrets were revealed.
I thought she’d shout at me. Be angry that I’ve been keeping something so huge from her. Maybe if I weren’t such a broken mess, she would have. But instead, she swallowed all her questions, pulled me from the shower floor, wrapped me in my fluffy robe, and then directed me straight to my bedroom.
She made us both a hot chocolate and came to snuggle in bed with me. She held me while I cried and whispered words of encouragement and support until I eventually passed out.
I may not have felt that much more stable the next morning, but her time keeping quiet was over. She wanted answers, and she wasn’t standing down until I gave them.
I hated the sympathy in her eyes. I hated the hurt that lingered right behind it, and I hated the shame I felt for hiding what I was dealing with for so long.
I should have told her that I was no longer pulling a wage from the salon and that I couldn’t afford my rent. But I knew that she’d want to help me out, and she’s already done more than enough for me.
After trying to force me to move in with her, she eventually relented and agreed to help me search for a place that wasn’t a complete dump.She was full of positivity when she pulled up a site on her cell, but it wasn’t long before she discovered just how dire the lower end of the rental market is here.
She found a couple of places that I reluctantly agreed to go and look at. None of them screamed “home” to me. But I’m beyond worrying about that. I either need to settle on a place, or I’ll be living on the streets, and that is no place for a woman who is growing a child.
I want to say that the apartments were better in person, but that would be a big fat lie.
Each one was worse than the one before. With little other choice, I agreed to take the first one before setting about booking movers.
The thought of leaving my apartment makes me want to cry.
I love it there. It’s in an old building with high ceilings and large windows that let in loads of natural light and a great view of the park. I felt like I’d really made it the day I got the keys and moved in. It was the beginning of a new chapter of my life. I had my own successful business and the home of my dreams. If only I knew back then how easily it could all be ripped away. One wrong decision and poof, I almost lost it all.
I'm moving into my new place next week. And I can most certainly wait.
“Do you think he’s going to come?” I ask quietly, terrified of hearing the answer I don’t want.
I haven’t heard a single thing from Everett since storming out of Hailee’s office before the game. I have no idea if he heard anything I said, or if he’s stuck his head in the sand and is refusing to accept it.
Considering how long it took me to confirm the truth, I can hardly blame him if he’s walking around in denial.
Dropping my elbows to my knees, I hang my head as my heart continues to race.
Our ultrasound isn’t for an hour yet. Instead, I’m waiting for a DNA test.
