“Not a chance. You’re mine now, remember?”
“Never gonna forget. Now, gotta go. Got a game to win.”
He blows me a kiss, which is also shown on the Jumbotron, and when I look up, seeing it repeated, all I can think is, why did it take me so long to find myself exactly where I belonged?
HAYDEN
PARKER AND LINC’S WEDDING DAY
I’ve experienced a lot of lows recently, but standing behind a huge fern, hiding at my own teammate’s wedding, is really scraping the bottom of the barrel.
Lying to them all yesterday, and then earlier today, wasn’t much above this moment, either.
Since signing with the Vipers, they’ve become everything to me. My LA family that I’ve needed more than they understand.
Leaving home and starting over is always hard, I don’t doubt that. But without sounding like a selfish prick, it’s been even harder for me.
What I had to leave behind…
I try to swallow the lump that seems to have taken up permanent residence in my throat, but it’s impossible.
Parker looks incredible, and the way Linc is gazing at her...
Man, I’d love to know how that feels.
I know love. But what I’ve experienced is different from the way they’re looking at each other.
I know family. The deepest kind of bond with those you share DNA with. What I haven’t found is my soulmate who owns the other half of me. Maybe I won’t. Maybe only some people are lucky enough to find that kind of love in their lifetime.
I’m so far back, it’s hard to hear the words they say to each other. But I don’t need to. Their body language says it all.
Discreetly, I reach up and wipe my eyes.
They’re already sore. But I can’t stop the tears that well in them.
I guess I should just be grateful that these ones have at least a little happiness mixed in.
My plan is to escape before the bride and groom turn to make their exit, but I’m too slow, and as the officiant announces them husband and wife, I realize I’ve missed my chance to escape and return to the safety of my hotel room.
Despite what my friends think, I got back to LA yesterday afternoon.
I even showed up at Parker and Linc’s building. I just…I never got out of the car.
I couldn’t. As much as I wanted to see them all, feel the familiarity of being surrounded by my hockey family, I couldn’t face them. Not when they didn’t know the truth.
It ripped me apart telling Bea, and I know she’s told Rett. But other than that, I can only assume that she’s kept her word. I’m not sure if I’m relieved or disappointed. At least if she had told them all, it wouldn’t be this big secret. I could slip back in as if everything was normal.
No. That’s not possible. Nothing is ever going to be normal again.
I try to make myself as small as possible, which is a pretty big feat considering I’m a six-foot-four defenseman.
By some miracle, it works, though, and despite the certainty that I’m about to be spotted and all my lies are going to come crashing down around my feet, everyone is too distracted to so much as glance my way.
I stay in my hiding spot while the sound of everyone’s happiness and laughter just outside the main doors filters down to me.
I wish I could feel even the tiniest bit of it, but the truth is that even on two of my friends’ happiest of days, there is no light inside me. Instead, all I feel is the agonizing weight of grief and sadness that presses down so hard on my shoulders, it threatens to consume me.
I knew it was going to be bad. But all these years knowing it was coming, I thought I was somewhat prepared. Turns out, nothing can prepare you for your life as you know it ending.
