I nod. All those feelings that ambushed me in that little room while Bea had the wand pressed to her stomach come back to me, and before I know it, I’ve marched to the kitchen so I can distract myself with getting a drink and taking a breath.
“I know it’s hard to believe right now, but when the time comes, you’ll know exactly what to do,” Kodie says, his deep voice rumbling quietly around me.
“How? I’ve never even held a baby, let alone changed a diaper or?—”
“And you think I had?” he asks, interrupting me. “Do you remember the first time you picked up a stick and hit a puck?”
A smile twitches at my lips. I don’t remember the very first time, I was too young, although my parents have photos. They line the walls of our family home that’s mostly empty these days. But I do vaguely remember my Mini Mites team. A bunch of tiny kids whipping around the ice, mostly with no idea what they were doing. I remember being frustrated because even at that age, I knew what was expected of me. I’d been watching Dad on the ice since the moment I was born; stepping out there myself felt as natural as breathing.
“Yeah,” I mutter, already figuring where he’s going with this.
“Well, that’s the best way I can describe it. The first time I held Sutton was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done. Butthen, she looked up at me with those big, beautiful eyes. She had the cutest little mouth, button nose, and rosy, round cheeks, and…fuck.” He sighs, rubbing the heel of his hand over his heart. “I just knew everything was going to be okay. No matter what, I swore there and then that I’d do anything in my power to keep her safe and make her happy, and I think I’ve done an okay job so far.”
“You’ve done way more than that. Sutton is incredible. You should be proud of yourself.”
He nods, accepting my praise.
“And I guarantee, in a few years, one of those guys out there,” he says, jerking his chin in the direction of our friends, “will be saying the exact same things to you when they’re scared about how their own lives are going to change.”
“Fuck off. Killer will never find a woman who’d put up with him, let alone be willing to have his baby.”
“I heard that, asshole,” the man in question shouts, making Kodie snigger.
“Seriously, though. You’ve got this. Trust yourself and your instincts, and trust Bea too. Talk to her about it all; I guarantee she’s feeling exactly the same.”
“I wish I could do more to help her. She’s going through it all, and I’m just here on the periphery, watching. I can’t even imagine what it’ll be like when the day comes for her to give birth. The thought of seeing her in that much pain is horrifying.”
“I wish I could say I felt the same, but my ex deserved the most painful birth on the planet,” Kodie mutters.
He doesn’t talk about his life in the lead-up to becoming a father much, or the woman who gave him Sutton, but we’re all aware that he thinks she’s a waste of oxygen. And honestly, I can’t help but agree. Who in their right mind could abandon a baby, let alone one as awesome as Sutton Rivers? That girl is something else.
I hope she regrets her choices. I hope that one day, Sutton’s name will be up there in lights as she takes the PWHL by storm, and her birth mom will realize just how much she lost out on.
It won’t be the same for my kid. I’m going to be there every step of the way. Helping him choose which way to shoot and putting him back on his feet when he falls—and I don’t just mean with hockey, but with every element of life.
Excitement bubbles up inside me. Maybe this really is my chance to right all my wrongs, to make up for past mistakes. And maybe, just maybe, in the process, I might learn how to deal with myself a little better.
Maybe Bea and our baby and the life we’re building together were meant to be.
“We’re gonna be late,”Kodie points out a few hours later.
“We’ll just finish this game, then we’ll go,” Linc says.
“That’s brave of you. I’m pretty sure Parker’s parting words were, ‘Do not be late and make sure you dress yourself correctly,’” I point out, glancing at the loose tie around his neck and his unbuttoned, untucked shirt.
“So apparently, Linc isn’t going to make it to the wedding,” Kodie deadpans. “I guess it’s best we know now. Saves us buying a gift.”
“Fine. Fine,” Linc barks, throwing the controller to the couch like a petulant toddler.
“Aw, look. It’s wrong what they say: you can change a man,” Killer mocks.
“Careful, bro,” he says, elbowing Monroe. “You might be next.”
Monroe shrugs unworriedly.
“Well, we all know it won’t be me. I’m immune to women. Their charm only works for one night.”
“Uh huh…” Linc mutters. “That’s what they all say, right, Handsy?”
