“But you want to?”
“She deserves better than me,” I confess, my voice rough.
“That could very well be true, but don’t you think that’s up to her to decide?” He’s right, I know he is. But that doesn’t stop me wanting to be a martyr and make the decision for her.
Being with me, even if it is fake, is going to put her in the spotlight, a place I don’t think she wants to be. But at the same time, I don’t think I’m going to be able to stop it, even if we don’t date.
"I just…I don’t…” I drop my head in my hands in the hope it’ll stop spinning.
It doesn’t work.
It never fucking works.
“I know this isn’t helpful and not what you want to hear, but it’ll work out.”
I take a few deep breaths and force myself to sit back.
“I just fucking hate that I’ve done this to her. She’s…she's trying to run her business, and every day she’s also dealing with the fallout of our night. Hell, it wasn’t even a night. Thirty minutes at best.”
“Thirty minutes? Doubt that.”
“Fuck you,” I grunt, making him laugh.
“Rett, the deed is done. There is nothing you can do about it now. Bea made the decision to continue with this pregnancy. She didn’t have to. Have you ever thought that she could have terminated and you’d have never known?”
Pain sears through my chest. Not only because of the loss of something I wouldn’t have known existed, but also because if it weren’t for this pregnancy, there is a very good chance I never would have seen Bea again.
She’s said it herself. She’s not a hockey fan. She may never have gone to another game. We certainly wouldn’t have gone on a date if it weren’t for our little accident. And that…that would be a travesty.
I might have kept my distance over the last few days as I tried to grapple with everything, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking about it. I have. Daily. Constantly.
I’ve recounted every moment. I’ve questioned whether I should have thrown caution to the wind and kissed her when the opportunity presented itself. Would she have welcomed it, got lost in it like she did that night? Or is this really just about our baby now? Has she pushed aside what happened and how electric we were together?
I’m pretty damn sure she hasn’t. I’ve seen the heat in her eyes, the way she looks at me as if all she can think about is how effortlessly I pinned her to that wall as she took my cock.
“You’ve got to trust that she’s made the right decision for herself, and all you can do in these next few months is support her.”
“She asked me to marry her,” I blurt.
“What?” He balks.
“Fuck. That came out wrong,” I say, dragging my hand down my face. “We were talking about Hailee’s fake dating plan. I said that it was selfish of me to ask her to do it when I was the only one gaining from it. And she?—”
“Huh.”
“What?” I ask.
“Nothing, it’s just I don’t think I’ve ever heard you put a woman first.”
“Fuck off, I always think of Parker.”
“That’s different, man. Very fucking different.”
“So, you were telling me about your upcoming wedding…” Linc prompts.
“It’s not like that. She’s got some kind of trust fund that she can only gain access to once she’s engaged.”
“So she will get something out of this?—”
