She stares at me, confusion warring in her gaze for a few seconds before she also remembers where we are and what we’re doing, and she lowers herself into the passenger seat, allowing me to close the door and take a moment for myself.
Once I’ve kinda got my head back on straight, I pull the driver’s door open and drop into the seat.
“Everything okay?” Bea asks, her attention making my face heat.
“Y-yeah,” I force out. “I just…didn’t expect my life to be going in this direction, you know?” Her strained laughter tells me she completely understands. “It hits me hard sometimes.”
“If you don’t want to do this, you can take me home. I’m not expecting anything from you other than your presence for our child.”
“What? No. That’s not—” I drag my hand down my face, trying to find the words.
I never usually have to worry about this kinda thing. I’m either hanging out with teammates who typically don’t give two shits what I think, or I’m with women. There’s only one thing I ever want from them, and conversations about feelings and shit is very much not it. In fact, the less talking the better.
“I like hanging out with you, Bea. You make me laugh, and—” I cut myself off in fear of diving too deep with someone I barely know.
But that isn’t good enough for her, because not a second later, she reaches out and covers her hand with mine and encourages, “And?”
I release a long breath before confessing. “Despite all the unknowns here with…everything,” I say, letting my eyes drop toher stomach. “I feel lighter, I guess, when I’m with you. I don’t know how much research you’ve done online, or what stories you’ve read, but I often have issues with…” I close my eyes as my heart continues to race. What am I doing? Why am I telling her all this?
Her small, warm hand squeezes mine, and I find the words falling from my lips.
“My temper. Most of the time, I feel like I’m balancing on a cliff, ready to free-fall into emotions I don’t know how to deal with. But when I’m with you…”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
My hands tremble, and I clench my fists to try to abate it.
I grit my teeth as I try to wrangle the words I need to say.
“When I’m with you, I feel like I’ve taken a step back. Everything is…calmer.”
Silence greets my confession. Have I just majorly overstepped? Panic grips me as frustration grows. Why do I do this? Why do I always fuck up everything that’s good in my life?
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I shouldn’t have?—”
“No. No, don’t apologize,” she says in a rush, her voice rougher than it was a moment ago. “I just…I’m lost for words. That was…wow, Everett.”
Summoning some inner courage, I turn to look at her. My breath catches at the sight of silent tears racing down her cheeks.
“Shit. Don’t cry. Please, don’t cry,” I beg, that previous panic returning full force. I don’t know how to deal with emotions—especially not tears.
“I’m sorry,” she whimpers, her hands lifting to wipe the wetness away. “I don’t really have control over this right now. The other day, I cried walking to the store because a pigeon stole another pigeon’s food. It’s ridiculous,” she explains with a teary laugh.
Flipping my hand over, I thread my fingers through hers. The sight of her delicate digits twisted with my darker, calloused ones gives me pause. But so does the fact that her hand fits in mine perfectly, as if it were made for me.
“I’m glad I’m not just a nuisance in your life who brought you something you’d rather not deal with.”
Lifting my gaze, my eyes meet her tear-filled ones.
“You’re anything but a nuisance, sweetheart. No, I wasn’t expecting all this. But…aren’t all the best things in life those we don’t plan for?”
She lifts one shoulder. “Maybe. Sometimes, they’re also the worst.”
Okay, so she’s not wrong. But I have a very good feeling that meeting Bea that night and everything that’s happened since is far from the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.
She might disagree, but I don’t want to think about that right now.
“You are far from the worst thing that’s ever happened to me,” I assure her. My eyes hold hers, letting her see the sincerity within them, but after a few seconds, they drop to her rosy pink lips.
