Even as I say the words, they feel wrong.
The very last thing I want to be doing right now is finding a random man to scratch the itch I’m failing to relieve myself.
Sienna studies me with all-knowing eyes.
“Is that what you really want?” she asks. If I say yes, I’ve no doubt she’ll arrange it and ensure I get what I need. But…
“No,” I confess. “It’s the last thing I want. I need fewer complications in my life, not more.”
“It will all work out,” she promises me, reaching for my hand and squeezing in support. “Have you decided what to do about Rett?”
I shrug one shoulder. “I keep going back and forth. One minute I think it’s crazy, and then another, I can see the benefits. I just…I wish someone could just give me the right answer.”
“Maybe there is no right answer.”
“Well, that’s helpful,” I mutter as our car pulls up.
“You just need to do what feels right,” Sienna says before we climb inside.
Turning away from her, I stare out the window at the buildings whizzing past. “I just…I don’t want to get hurt, Si. But I fear there isn’t a way to do this that won’t result in that.”
“You like him?”
“What? No. That’s not what I mean.”
“You’re worried you might if you spend too much time with him.” She said it that night: Everett Donnelly is exactly my type. And my type is always a lot of fun, until I’m left high and dry, wondering what the hell just happened. But while the men of my past have been forgettable, I’m not sure Everett will ever fall into that category. He’s…more.
“It’s the hormones. I never know what they’re going to do.”
The sympathy in Sienna’s eyes doesn’t lessen. “It’s okay to be scared.”
“I know,” I whisper.
“Just take it a day at a time. You might find that the answer comes naturally.”
My lips part to tell her what I stand to gain from our fake relationship, should I convince him that it needs to come with a ring as well. She’d understand, I know she would. But that doesn’t mean the words flow freely.
We pull up outside my apartment not long after, and I stare up at my building with a heavy heart. I don’t want to go in there. I know my neighbors will have music booming, and I know it’s going to be almost unbearably hot. I know I’m going to be miserable the second I step through the entrance. But I don’t have a choice.
Or maybe I do.
I could agree to Everett's charade and secure my future.
But at what cost?
“Thanks for tonight. It was fun,” I say to Sienna as I reach for the door handle.
“It was. We need to book another for next month.”
“Need to make the most of it while I still can. Once the time comes, I won’t be going anywhere.”
My breath catches as reality hits me upside the head.
When this baby comes, aside from my friends, I’m not going to have any help.
There will be no grandparents wanting to babysit to allow me a night off. Unless I pay for childcare, I’m going to be a mom twenty-four-seven. Even if Everett sticks around and takes his responsibility seriously, he’s not going to be around very often.
Sienna doesn’t respond; she’s just as aware of the situation as I am.
