“Yeah, he’s my baby daddy,” I say through my grin.
“Oh my god, look at her face. Is something going on?” Lessy asks.
“Aside from him buying us all coffee every morning and sending you food deliveries,” Rachel points out.
“Hey, I said I was ordering those,” I argue.
“Yeah, but none of us believed you.”
“Rude,” I laugh.
“We love you, Bea. But we know you didn’t suddenly decide to buy us all coffee daily,” Savvy says.
“I might have,” I sulk.
“Well, we appreciate it,” Rachel explains.
“So…back to my question,” Lessy says. “Is something going on with the two of you?”
I take a sip of my drink as I try to find a way to word what we’re doing right now.
“We’ve hung out a couple of times. We’ve been messaging.”
“Oh my god,” Lessy squeals, clapping her hands together like a seal.
“Calm down. Nothing is going on,” I assure them. “He’s just…being present.” But as I say the words, the lie within them tastes bitter on my tongue.
He isn’t just being present because he wants to be. He’s following orders to help fix his rep and preserve his career.
My stomach knots. He’s using me. Or at least, he wants to. But…if I agree to this, put a few of my own stipulations in place, aren’t I going to be doing the same?
We could both get what we want out of our partnership, and then when it’s over…
Pain sears through my chest. Once it’s over, once he’s got himself on level ground, will he just drop us and move on?
My chest tightens, and I struggle to suck in the air I need.
“Bea?” Sienna questions.
“I’m okay. I…just…I’m just going to use the restroom.”
I’m out of my seat and rushing toward the back of the restaurant in seconds.
“Oh my god,” I gasp as I crash into the ladies’ room.
I don’t go into a stall; instead, I pace back and forth in front of them as my head spins with possibilities.
Will I go through all this with him by my side, for him just to drop us a few months down the line? Am I setting myself up for heartache, not just for me, but for my child? I can’t agree to this, knowing he’ll be part of our lives for only a short time before leaving us. Can I?
But I would have him now. He could hold my hand through all the unknowns that are going to be thrown at me in the coming months.
But Sienna could do that.
It’s not the same, though.
And maybe he wouldn’t leave us. Maybe his new reputation of being a family man would mean he’d stick around. But…would he resent us?
What would happen when he eventually meets someone and starts his own family with her? Would we be pushed to the periphery, or would he include our child in his life?
