“But I saw the heartbeat,” I whisper, turning to look at him, “and now I’m fucked.”
That earns a ghost of a smile from him. He reaches across and takes my hand, thumb brushing over my knuckles.
“You’re not fucked,” he says. “And you’re not alone in this.”
I glance away, blinking hard. “I think I’m already too invested, because I know it’s early. I know everything that can still go wrong. I’ve seen it. Iknow.And I can’t—” I suck in a breath that shakes. “I don’t know how to be okay with it.”
“You don’t have to be okay with it,” he says quietly. “You just have to let yourselffeel it.”
“God, I’m sorry. It’s the hormones—I’m being ridiculous.”
“You’re not.”
“I thought I’d feel better after the scan,” I mutter. “I thought seeing it would help.”
“You don’t?”
“I do, I just…” My throat closes up. “Now it feels real.”
His hand tightens gently over mine. “You’re trying to treat yourself like one of your patients.”
I open my mouth to respond, but stop.
“You’re running through all these scenarios in your head, prepping for the worst case… Like it’ll hurt less if you’re ready.”
“I—” My jaw clicks shut. He’s not wrong, and that’s the part that scares me the most.
“But you’re not one of your patients, Carina,” he says gently. “This is you. Your body and your baby. And you’re allowed to feel it… to want it.”
I look at him, and my lip trembles. “I want this to work so much it terrifies me.”
Reid doesn’t respond right away. He leans over and tucks a stray piece of hair behind my ear and lets his fingers trail down the curve of my jaw. Then he takes my chin between his finger and thumb, and turns my head gently to meet his eyes.
“I’ve got you.”
My eyes sting. Fuck, I don’t want to cry in front of him, not again.
I blink fast, pressing the heel of my free hand to my eyes, willing the tears not to fall.
His fingers trail back along my cheek and into my hairline, gently tugging me toward him until his lips press to my forehead. He dots the softest kiss there, then moves slowly to one eyelid, then the other. My cheeks. The bridge of my nose. Each one is gentle and grounding, until he reaches my mouth.
The air shifts and my breath catches.
All at once, my body rewires under the weight of his touch. Fear and panic give way to something hot and sharp.
In a flurry, I unclip my seatbelt and climb across the console and into his lap. It’s graceless and too fast, but he catches me without hesitation, both hands landing firmly on my hips.
“Jesus, Havoc.”
“Shut up,” I murmur, dragging my hands through his hair and kissing him hard.
His whimper is low and hungry in my mouth, hands flexing and fingers digging in.
“What do you need, baby?”
I shift forward, grinding down hard against his thigh.
“I need you,” I breathe. “Right now. Please.”
