“No.” She shakes her head from side to side. “Nashville is my home. Gianna and Astrid are like my sisters, even though our dynamic has changed so much over the last year.” She sits on the edge of the bed next to my bag. “All of my relationships are changing, really. Not good or bad. Just different.” She stares wistfully out the window. “That’s the fun of life, right? It never stays the same.”
I grab a bottle of water from the bedside table and toss it in the trashcan. “It’s either in the air or it’s the age we’re at because it’s the same for me. Gray has always been gone playing, and we went for a while without talking much. He’s back in town a lot these days, but he has Astrid. That’s not bad, it’s just different. Jasper and Markie are serious, I think. I’m here when Gray’s usually not, and it’s just … everything is changing.”
She sits quietly while I sort the rest of my things. Then I grab our phone chargers from the kitchen and bring them back. Audrey is in the same spot. Something heavy is on her mind, and I have no idea what it might be, so, I continue to arrange my bag, giving her time to think.
Just as I pull the zipper across the top, she turns to me. “I have to take back something I said a minute ago.”
“Oh?”
“Nashville isn’t my home either, I don’t think.” Her hands fold in her lap. “I felt at home in Boston before we moved to Tennessee. And while I love it here, and I have no desire to live anywhere else, I don’t walk into a space, whether it be a coffee shop, a house, or a salon, and instantly feel at ease. Is that odd?”
“I think it’s probably more normal than you think it is. But I’m not the doctor here.”
She laughs.
“Just a guess,” I say, sitting, too. “But when people think of home, they aren’t thinking of walls and roofs and floors. They’re probably thinking of a vibe. And it’s the people under the roof, so to speak, that determine that.” I shrug. “Again, just a guess.”
“That does make me feel better. There’s hope yet.”
I grin at her. “I think there’s probably always hope for you, Doc.”
“There’s always hope for you, too.”
I scoff, standing again. “Now you’re pushing it a little too far.”
“Why? Do you really want to be all alone for the rest of your life? I mean, if so, good for you. But that’s a long time.”
I hate this fucking question. Society has decided the answer either has to be yes or no, and that is complete bullshit. The world is full of various shades of gray, but for some reason, it’s never an option in these goofy Q&As.
“My life was mass chaos growing up,” I say. “And I’d be a liar if I didn’t say that sometimes it still crosses my mind to imagine what it would be like to have a family like the Adlers. But it’s just not in the cards for me.”
She frowns. “Why not?”
“It’s a tremendous gamble to attach yourself to someone, to tie up your sanity, happiness, and finances with another person. And you have to have something to offer a prospective partner. I got nothing.”
“That’s not true.”
“It certainly is. I’m not good at responsibility, don’t have an income at the moment, and am really good at not being around when I’m needed.”
She gets up and comes to me, wrapping her arms around my waist and pressing her cheek against my chest.
“Can I say one thing, and if you don’t want to hear it, we can just pretend like I didn’t say it?” she asks softly.
No. Instead, I shrug helplessly.
“You have to let the past go,” she whispers. “You were a kid faced with a horrific and impossible situation, and you and your mom are here because of your courage.” She pauses, locking her arms around me. “To paraphrase your boy Marcus Aurelius, the best revenge is to not be like the person who harmed you.” She presses a kiss against my sternum and then backs away.
My head spins as a swarm of emotions gather in my throat. Leave it to the beautiful philosopher to be the one who gets under my skin. The only girl in the world that I’m not supposed to have.Never have.
“What time do we have to be out of here?” she asks.
I glance at the clock on my phone. “We have about thirty minutes. Why?”
She reaches for the hem of her shirt and pulls it slowly overhead, showcasing a pale pink bra we purchased in town. Holding my gaze, she drops her jeans and kicks them to the side. “I was thinking,” she says, turning a half circle to show me her juicy ass, “maybe we have time for one more …” Her eyes find mine before she faces me. They dance with a mischievousness that I haven’t seen in them before. “Fuck.”
“I can’t handle hearing that word come out of your mouth,” I say, shrugging off my shirt and joggers. “It makes me instantly hard.”
“Just how I like ya.” She giggles. “Lie down.”
