“And that’s God’s promise,” Pastor Reed says, his voice booming through the church. “He says it right here. ‘I am with you.’ That’s present tense, folks. He’s already with you. He’s strengthening you. He will help you. You just gotta accept thehelp.” He moves out from behind the pulpit. “But accepting help isn’t easy, is it?”
I sit back in the hard pew, the wood creaking beneath my weight, and close my eyes.
Accepting help isn’t easy. And although I know the pastor is on a slightly different wavelength than I am now, it’s still applicable. There are things I could probably use an assist with, things that’ll never see the light of day. I’m not about to ask someone to help me sort through the venom I still feel for my father—a molten ball of anger that eats away at my peace.Because what can be said about it that I don’t already know?Yes, he was a piece of shit. Yes, I was a child. Yes, I did what I thought was best and I need to find a way to let it go.
It's been fifteen fucking years, and I haven’t figured out how to do that.
Audrey’s words and her soft blue eyes linger in my mind.“When I’m with you, I feel free. I can be whoever I want. Say things, do things … act on things. Thank you for that.”
She thinks she’s weak, when she’s really a hell of a lot braver than me.
I lift my phone again and find her name in my texts.
Me: Are you packed and ready to go?
Audrey: You said one o’clock.
Me: Yeah, I’ll be there at one. Just making sure you were getting ready.
Audrey: I’m not sure what to bring. Where are we going?
A smirk settles over my lips.
Me: I found a place. You don’t need to bring much. Wear your blue bra and panties, though. I want to take them off you tonight.
Audrey:
I shift in my seat, trying to find a comfortable position with my new hard-on.
Me: Do you know how many times I’ve pretended you were wearing that for me with my cock in my hand?
Audrey: Putting them on right now. For you.
Me: Your nipples under that lace are seared into my brain.
Audrey: You could pick me up earlier, you know.
Me: As soon as church is over, I gotta drop Otis off at Jasper’s. He’s here, too, so leaving early won’t help much.
Audrey: YOU ARE IN CHURCH RIGHT NOW?
I snort, my thumbs flying over the letters on the screen.
Me: Why is that so surprising?
Audrey: It’s not surprising you’re there. It’s surprising that you’re texting me about my nipples and undressing me from a pew in front of a preacher!
Me: God knows my heart.
Audrey: And He apparently knows about my nipples now, too.
Chuckling, I take another swat from my mother.
“Stop texting, you little heathen,” she whispers. “I know you weren’t raised in a barn because I raised you.”
“That’s really more of a reflection of you than it is me,” I say, teasing her.
She swats me again and then faces forward, trying not to smile.
