“Yeah, didn’t figure you’d mind. Oh.” Kari turned to me, setting the wooden spoon on a dish beside the stove. “A box came for you today.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Really? I didn’t order anything.”
Kari wiped her hands on a towel. “It did. I set it on the table.”
I followed her to the table, noticing a parcel sitting in the middle. “It doesn’t say who it’s from,” she said, picking it up and flipping it over in her hands. It was larger than a shoebox and completely nondescript.
“Strange. I have no clue.” I took the package from Kari and opened it on the table.
“What the …?” The box was full of the pictures I’d left in the back of Decker’s closet. Image after image stared up at me, reminding me of a different lifetime.
“Jada,” Kari began, her hand to her mouth, “did Decker send these?”
“I guess.” I dug through the box, feeling my heart ping as memories of a life I had wanted to leave behind rolled past me like aslideshow. I pulled out a photo of us at the Tempe Town Lake Marina when we were in college. Decker was smiling at me while I was smiling at the camera.When did that dynamic change?A blurry photo of our wedding ceremony, taken by one of Decker’s friends, was slightly torn on the edges. There was a picture of our first house in Boston. We had looked at it on a rainy summer day and fell in love with it immediately.I was so proud of that house.
Leafing through the pictures, I had to ask myself if these memories were even real.
Did the smile on his face mean he was happy at that moment with me? Or was he happy thinking about the girl he was going to take to Columbus for the weekend in the guise of “work”?
Everything was tainted, a cloud around each and every memory that the box held.
Kari reached in and pulled out a sheet of folded paper, handing it to me. “Has he called you lately?”
I shook my head.
“Why would he send these now? I don’t get it.”
I sighed. “It’s hard to tell. Maybe he’s been drinking lately and is reminiscing. Maybe he’s hungry, and no one’s home to make dinner. Heck if I know. He’s totally unpredictable.”
I straightened the paper, and I held my breath as I began to read:
Jada,
I thought you needed a reminder of the good times. I haven’t called you since you asked me not to and I’ve given you the space you asked for. But it’s time that you come back to where you belong. I never should have let you leave to begin with, but I figured it would show you that you can’t make it without me and that you would have to come back.
Look at these pics, J – remember what we had. It’s time for you to get over the past and come home. I’ve been waiting on you but I won’t forever.
Call me and let’s talk and get everything sorted, okay? I miss you.
Your husband
I slowly releasedthe breath I was holding. This was typical Decker: almost sweet at the beginning and then showing his true colors at the end, a confusing mess of sweet and sour. But I had let myself live in such a confused state for far too long, never relaxing with Decker. Never knowing what the next day would bring. And I had a taste ofknowingwith Cane, and it was something I didn’t want to live without.
“I don’t even know what to say to that,” Kari said, taking the note from my hand and wadding it into a ball. She turned to me, her face stern and concerned. “How does that make you feel?”
I sighed as I slumped into a chair. “Annoyed. Frustrated. Kind of sad, but not sad enough to do anything about it.”
Kari tossed the paper back into the box and walked to the stove, turning everything off, before returning to the table and sitting down with me. “Why does it make you sad?”
“What are you, a therapist?” I shook my head, not wanting to get to the bottom of anything except maybe a wineglass.
She frowned. “No, but I am your sister. And it’s my job to help you figure things out. So spill.”
“I don’t know. I left those pictures because I wanted to forget those times existed.”
“Those times, the ones where you were happy, never happened,” she said, knocking her hand against the box. “You were happy under a false reality. If you had known for sure what he was actually up to, would you have been happy?”
I shook my head, seeing her point.
