“You don’t understand. I had to make sure you were safe. And you obviously found a way around that, anyway. But part of that is my fault. I knew last night that something was different for me, something really different, when I hated myself for leaving that bar without you.”
I spun my ring around my finger as I absorbed his words. When he left that bar without me, I felt so inconsequential. And that was the same thing Decker had always made me feel and the one thing I swore I would never feel again.
“I realized there are things out there worth fighting for, both literally and figuratively. Things were put into perspective for me tonight. The idea of you being hurt killed me, Jada. The thought of some other man’s hands on you had me seeing red. My reaction was worse than I even thought it would be. I could have killed him. Fuck, I still want to kill him.”
“I may have listened to you if you would have just told me. I felt like you were trying to impose your will on me, and I don’t do well in those situations. I don’t know.”
He placed his hands on the sides of my face and stared intently into my eyes. “All I know for sure is that I want to be with you. Just me andyou. Give me a chance. Have some patience because there’s a significant learning curve for me, but I promise you that I won’t hurt you. Not on purpose. I can’t believe this is even coming out of my fucking mouth, but I can’t control it. I can’t get anything done. I can’t focus on anything besides you because you’re the one thing that’s hanging out there. I just … nothing feels right until the moments we’re together.” He grinned nervously. “I just want to be with you.”
No matter how badly I tried to tell myself I didn’t want him and that I couldn’t need him, no matter how hard I pushed him away or how angry he made me, I still wanted him. It didn’t make any sense why I would be drawn to him after everything I had been through until I broke it all down.
In spite of all of his imperfections, he was real. He wasn’t perfect, but he didn’t pretend he was. He didn’t try to feed me a line about Lesley and didn’t lie to me even though it certainly would have saved my feelings. And he went after Simon, right or wrong, as soon as he heard what had happened. If Simon went to the police, Cane could be in serious trouble. But his first thought wasme.And that was the difference. In my relationship with Decker, it was never about me. He would lie, cheat, steal and pretend to be the perfect husband. Cane and Decker, while appearing on the outside to be the same, were actually very different.
But that didn’t mean Cane was the right answer for me.
“I’m scared,” I whispered.
“Don’t be afraid of me, baby. Don’t be afraid of this. I’ve fought it for so damn long, but I’m tired of pretending. When Max called me tonight and told me what had happened, it was like he wiped away all the fog. It was suddenly crystal clear,” he said as he stroked my cheek with his thumb. I couldn’t help but lean into his hand. “Let’s just take it slow and see what happens. Just let things happen because if the past few weeks are any indication, things will happen anyway. We can’t seem to stay away from each other.”
A knot of uncertainty was wound tightly in the pit of my stomach, and I couldn’t work it free. The last time I allowed myself to believe another man’s promises led to the destruction of my heart.
“It’s not that easy for me. You hurt me on purpose last night, just like Decker used to do. No matter how attracted to you I am or how much I want to be with you, a part of me feels like it’s really ridiculous to even consider it. Why would I?”
“There is a difference,” he said simply.
“What’s that?”
“I have never given you my word. I have never made a commitment to you. Hell, I’ve never even wanted to think about making a commitment to anyone before. But I want to commit to you. That means giving you my word that seeing where things go with us is my sole purpose. I want you to give me yours too.” He tilted his head, his forehead wrinkled in thought. “I don’t break my word, Jada. I’ve never said this shit to anyone else. You’re the one exception to every rule I’ve ever made.”
My heart swelled, and I fought back the tears that were welling. He flashed me one of his brilliant smiles, and it warmed me from the inside out.
“For someone who doesn’t like words, you’re doing pretty good with them right now.” I bit my lip as he leaned in closer.
“You just said a second ago that you know who I am. Jada, you know who I have been. But I can be who you need. I’ll do my best to be that man. Iwantto be that man.”
I reached up and touched the side of his face.Please don’t let this be a dream.
“Are you sure about this? What if you wake up and hate the person you’ve become?”
“Stop arguing with me. You know I always get my way, so just say you’ll try with me.”
I closed my eyes, trying to listen to my head over the pleadings of my heart. My thoughts were a jumbled mess, thoughts flying in from every part of my life, every part of my body.
“Agree to try with me. Let me make you happy.”
I stilled.“Let me make you happy.”No one had ever said that to me before. His simple request was the most complex thing anyone hadsaid to me. My brain started processing everything that could go wrong, while my heart nearly burst with possibilities.
It all boiled down to trust.Do I trust Cane enough to hand over my heart?
Cane sat quietly, his eyebrows furrowed, his bottom lip between his teeth. Outwardly, he looked relaxed, but I could see the anxiety behind his eyes. He was nervous, too. Knowing that gave me a little comfort.
Head up, heart strong.
“Okay,” I breathed.
He pulled back and raised his eyebrows. “Really? You’ll try?”
“We can’t seem to stay away from each other, and you’re too stubborn to argue with. So do I really have a choice?” I bit the side of my lip to keep from smiling.
