“Now that you know about me, I think you should tell me something about you.” Max turned in his chair to face me.
“I have nothing that shocking to share,” I promised, trying to think of a way to change the direction of the conversation. I knew nothing about him. I didn’t know he even existed until five minutes before, so I was at a complete disadvantage.
“I didn’t say it had to be shocking,” Max said.
We were interrupted by my cell phone buzzing. I snatched it up quickly, breathing a sigh of relief—until I looked at the screen.
Decker’s number flashed across the front, sending a jolt of anxiety through me with each pulse.
I didn’t want to talk to him. That was the last thing I wanted. But if Decker was in a mood or had been drinking, there was a good chance he would call over and over until I answered or he fell asleep. If I turned it off, Kari would know something was up. I had no choice.
“I need to take this,” I said, standing up. “It was nice to meet you, Max.”
“Who is that?” Kari’s face twisted in suspicion.
I shook my head dismissively. “It’s no one, just a friend from Chicago. You remember Heather? She has my résumé and was planning on sending it around up there. I was expecting her to call.” I pushed in my chair and headed for the door.
She nodded, but I knew she hadn’t bought what I was selling.
TWO
Jada
I dashedto the front door, the ringing phone a dead weight in my hands. I swung open the glass, walked through, and shut it tightly behind me.
The buzzing stopped and began again immediately.
“Hello?” My blood pounded through my veins as I waited to see which Decker I would be dealing with—the sweet, playful man I had fallen in love with or the hateful, condescending jerk I loathed.
As I waited for him to speak, I shook my head at my own stupidity. Regardless of his reason for calling, the conversation wouldn’t end well. It never did. That was the one consistency of our relationship.
I filled my lungs with precious air, reminding myself to be strong.
Don’t let him sense any weakness.
“Hey, Jada. How are you?” The Northeastern accent that I’d initially found so endearing only annoyed me now. It was a reminder of the nights when he would come home angry, the nights I would pretend to be asleep and pray he’d just pass out.
“I’m good,” I said, chewing on a fingernail. I walked down the sidewalk, needing to put some distance between myself and the house. I didn’t want to risk Kari hearing this conversation. She had no idea what I’d dealt with in my marriage. No one did. It was devastating and embarrassing, for one. For two, my friends would have asked why I put up with it.
Quite frankly, I couldn’t explain things that I didn’t understand.
Decker could go from a decent husband one minute—bringing home takeout so we could watch a movie together—to an irrational lunatic the next, backing me up against the wall while yelling every insult he could think up. It had been my own personal hell.
His back-and-forth was dizzying and confusing. I would find the nerve to leave and then he would switch again. He played on my insecurities, manipulating me like a master manipulator. He mocked that I would be starting over with virtually nothing.Was I willing to throw away everything we had built together? Didn’t I want to start a family? Didn’t I mean what I said before the officiator?
He knew the things that made me reconsider walking out. It was an endless, exhausting roller coaster that I couldn’t get off … until I literally walked in on the truth.
I knew he was cheating on me. I had known that down deep for a long time.
Yet my heart had splintered with each thrust Decker delivered to our neighbor as she held on to my dresser with both hands. As he pushed Sarah over the edge of ecstasy, he pushed me out the door.
Turns out, there’s a big difference in seeing unfaithfulness rather than just suspecting it.
It was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I called my friend Mandi and moved my things in with her that night after Decker went to work. Her husband, Mason, was a professional fighter; it was the safest place I could go. Decker had never hit me, but I wasn’t sure what his reaction would be.
As I feared, he went ballistic. He begged me to return one minute and cursed me out the next. In one drunken binge, he showed up atMandi’s door. I’m not sure what transpired between Decker and Mason, but he didn’t return. He just complicated my life from afar by fighting me on the divorce.
