I pushed him out of the way and took the stairs two at a time to my bedroom, my body feeling the adrenaline hit full force.
I paused at the top of the stairs and turned around. He was standing at the bottom, watching me. His eyes were wide, his hand gripping the railing.
“If you have to wonder where you stand with someone, it’s probably time to stand and start walking.” I looked him in the eye, my voice softening slightly. “I’m walking, Cane. Don’t follow me.”
I marched into my room and slammed the door behind me. I moved across the floor to the window and stood, trying to calm my heartbeat.
It lasted about five seconds.
“What the fuck?” Cane stormed into my room behind me. “Can we have a rational fucking conversation?”
“The only conversation I am interested in having with you is to ask you why you can’t respect boundaries. That door was closed, and you were not invited in.”
“Fuck that. You aren’t getting away from me that easy.” He stalked across the room with purpose until he was standing a few feet in front of me.
“I don’t know how much clearer I can be, Cane. I don’t want to be near you.”
He ran his fingers through his hair in utter frustration and sighed, closing his eyes. “Look, I’m sorry. I really am.”
“Why don’t you have Lucy call and tell me for you?” I bit out.
“Is that really what you want to discuss?”
“No! I don’t want to discuss anything.”
“I sent you those flowers today, okay? I called and ordered them myself. Call Lucy and ask her—she’ll think you’re a lunatic.”
I stilled. “You ordered them?”
He nodded, eyeing me nervously. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.
“Then why did you lie to me?”
Cane shrugged. “I didn’t mean to. I was in a meeting and should never have answered your call. But when I saw your name on my screen, I couldn’t help it.”
He walked over to my bed and sat down. “I heard your voice and the hope in it and … I don’t know. I just knew I had gone too far.”
“What do you mean?”
“What we both want couldn’t be more opposite … and neither of us is willing to make an exception. I was afraid those flowers would give you the wrong impression.”
My spirits fell spectacularly on the side of despair and smashed into shards, some of the pieces bouncing off the floor and piercing me again for good measure.
“Then why even send them, Cane? Why do you go out of your way to make me crazy?” Tears began to prick the corners of my eyes, and I blinked them back furiously. “I just don’t get what you’re doing.”
“I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, if you want the truth. If you were any other girl, I would’ve had you beneath me days ago. But you aren’t, and I’m trying to respect that, but … fuck!”
I smiled sadly. “I get that, Cane, and I appreciate it. I really do. But this hot-and-cold thing you have going on is making my life hell. I have already lived that life and refuse to live it again. I just want you to pick one way or the other. I know the kind of guy you are, so I know which way that will be. And I’m fine with that. I’d rather be shut out by you altogether than feel so unsure all the time.”
“You don’t mean that. You don’t want me to walk out of your life.” His voice cracked with uncertainty and his brow furrowed.
“You’ve never actually been in my life. Hell, you’re doing enough damage being on the fringe. I need you to move on to your next conquest and forget about me.”
“Don’t you get it? That’s my fucking problem. You aren’t just some conquest, and I can’t figure out how to move on from you.”
I swallowed hard as I watched his eyes burn, feeling like I was on a precipice. I had to hold on for dear life or topple over the edge.
“Then don’t,” I whispered, taking the leap without a parachute.
