He laughed softly. “But you’re really not. One day, maybe you will want this for real, and I will give it to you like you’ve never had it before. But right now, ironically, I’m the one who has to go.”
He kissed me on the forehead as he stood and walked out of my room.
I heard him call for Max and the door slam roughly as I sat there, not sure what in the hell had just happened.
TWELVE
Jada
The water wascool as I pushed through it, arm over arm, lap after lap, until exhaustion finally set in.
I swam to the steps and trudged out of the pool, my limbs deliciously heavy. And, of course, the first towel I grabbed from the cabinet where Kari kept her beach towels was blue. I tossed it back in the cabinet, exchanging the blue one for a red-striped version.
Screw everything blue—blue towels, blue skies, and blue fucking eyes.
It was a pair of aqua orbs that I couldn’t outswim, outwork, or outrun. Cane’s beautiful eyes as he knelt in front of me, full of sincerity, telling me I wasn’t that girl.
Bullshit.
I scrubbed my face with theredtowel.
I had managed to keep busy over the last week, filling my days with more work than anyone should ever take on and my nights with dinners with my father, movies with Kari, and epic conversations with Heather. Simon Powers had called the day before about Solomon Placeand ended up asking me to dinner, but I had turned him down. I just wasn’t in the mood to deal with a date.
But on Wednesday, Dad was sick, Kari was working at the hospital, and Heather was at a concert with her new rocker boyfriend, Brian. With only myself to count on for a distraction, I jumped in the pool and swam as hard and fast as possible.
Everything is so confusing.
I wanted desperately to believe what I’d read in Cane’s eyes. I wanted to believe that he was really doing what he thought was best for me. But I knew better. People, in general, but men especially, were in it to win it. Cane was no different. Only a fool would believe that.
Tears pricked my eyes, and I fought them from falling. I blinked rapidly and forced myself to get angry instead.
Remember, he’s “the coach.” He was clear that he just wanted one night. I guess getting me to admit that I wanted him was enough. At least he let me down easy.
I breathed deeply, holding on to the anger surging past the self-pity.
He won. I handed another asshole a victory. Accept it for what it is and get over it.
I wrapped the towel snugly around my waist and headed into the house, finally feeling like I may be able to sleep. I was physically exhausted, but more than that, I was emotionally drained.
Spotting a new bottle of wine on the countertop, I grabbed a glass out of the dishwasher.
Take a hot bath, drink a glass of wine, and I’ll be golden.
I grabbed the wine, popped the cork, and poured it into the glass, my mind drifting back to my dinner with Cane.
“Personally, I like to drink out of a real glass.”
I set the wine down with a shaky hand.
Like a bolt of lightning, all the emotions I had been keeping in check slammed together with the force of a train. I looked around the kitchen, desperate for something to give me a good memory to latch on to. I needed something to replace the images of Decker watching me leave the courthouse, and now of Cane walking out the door. But there were only things of Kari’s. Nothing of mine.
Because this isn’t my house. I don’t have a home anymore.
My lip began to quiver as reality came crashing down on me.
I’ve lost everything I had, if it was even mine to begin with. How do I get to where I even want to be?Wheredo I want to be?
I don’t even know.
