“I’ll be fine.”
The only reason I’ll be fine today is because he sent me a text letting me know he was fine.
“I’m not worried about you,” Heather said seriously. “I can’t function without two cups flowing through my system. I’m going to jump in the car and run down to the coffee shop to grab a cup. Do you want me to bring you one? Or do you want to go with?”
I set my toothbrush down on the counter. “Yeah, you know what?Let’s go grab some coffee and doughnuts. Caramel-topped doughnuts would make me happier today.”
“I’ll have coffee cake, but okay. We’ll take Brian’s car. He blocked me in, but he left his keys on the floorboard,” Heather said, shaking her head. “It’s like he doesn’t realize that it could actually get stolen. It’s a good thing he’s cute.”
I smiled. “His dimples are adorable.”
“One day soon, I will give you all the details,” Heather said, eyes twinkling, as she led me out of the bathroom.
I scrunched my face. “Not all the details. I don’t want the nitty-gritty.”
“You’re lame,” Heather said in mock disgust as we stopped in the kitchen. Heather found her keys while I slipped on my sneakers. “Now let’s go get some coffee.”
We left the house, jumped into Brian’s car, and made our way into town. It was a beautiful morning in Chicago, and we rode with the windows down. We grabbed coffee at Starbucks and then found a bakery with all kinds of fresh goodness, ordering a dozen different things because we were indecisive.
“Will Brian care if I eat in his car?” I asked, peering into the bakery box on my lap. “Because I’m not sure if I can wait until we get to your house.”
Heather laughed. “I’ll make it up to him, don’t worry. Give me one of those,” she said, pointing at a piece of coffee cake in the box.
The car was filled with that fresh-baked scent as I opened the lid and handed Heather her slice. I grabbed a caramel-topped doughnut with nuts and took a bite.
“I may move here just for the food,” I said through a mouth of confection.
“I can’t argue with that.” Heather wiped her mouth off on a napkin I handed her.
I took a deep breath, swallowing past the lump in my throat. “Speaking of that …” My eyes darted to hers before looking back at the doughnut. “If I wanted to stay in Chicago, could I stay with you?”
Heather’s eyes flew to mine, and I felt my cheeks heat.
“I’m not saying I want to. I just …” I searched for the right words to explain what I was thinking. “I don’t know, Heather. Things are just such a mess. They were a mess before I got here, I think.”
She set her cake on the middle console. “You can always stay with me. You know that. But can I ask where your head is right now?”
I smiled sadly. “I wish I knew. I just feel like everything is out of control. I couldn’t control the fact that I had to come here, you know?”
I watched the traffic signal turn red, and Heather slowed the car, coming to a stop. She looked at me.
“The last time I talked to you, you were worried that he was pulling away. Does this have something to do with that?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I just feel like if I don’t watch it, I’m going to be the same person I was before. No control of anything. At the mercy of a man and his life. Always worried about something going on, about things happening that I don’t know about. And I want to make sure I don’t get back to that.”
“And you feel like if you know you can stay with me, that will help ease your nerves?”
Nodding, I said, “I’m just trying to remind myself that I have options.”
She laughed as the light switched to green. “I’ll be your backup plan. That’s fine with me. Just don’t go deciding anything too quickly, okay?”
“Okay.”
We rode in silence the rest of the way home, Heather giving me some space to think, which would have been great if I could have concentrated on anything. I would start to figure something out, and my brain would go back to Cane. In Arizona. With Simon.
And the internal anxiety attack would begin all over again.
When we finally reached Heather’s, something on the stoop caught my eye.
